Been a bad mornin', can't leave my bed
And for once I want to
It isn't fun drownin' in sweat
Functionin' like glue
Throat's really sore, of that not a fan
Don't like the congestion
I'm just listin' symptoms, not helpin', man
Yeah, yeah

Could you pass the tissues, on the shelf to your ri-ight
"God bless, God bless" when I honk my nose
It's not the sniffles, cause my temp'rature is wa-ay too hi-igh
It sucks at best, it's a pun, but this blows

Why'd I have to get the flu-u-u?
Now my nose is filled with goo-oo-oo
Gone through too many tissue-ue-ues
There goes all of my plans for the day
Man, my throat hurts, can barely stand the pain
Nose also hurts, yeah, not somethin' I can feign
All of me hurts, on my systems, such a drain
What I've got you should know:
Flu-u-u-u

This stupid flu has jacked up my voice
Gollum imposter
Then there's the sneezin', man, what a noise
"Then go see a doctor"
That was the plan today
I still have a workin' brain, you know
But dammit, just look at me
Not in any shape to move, no

I can't drive a car when I am feelin' this shi-ite
A mess, a mess on the front window
It doesn't help that this damn flu's kept me awa-ake all ni-ight
Same pun again, I'm afraid this still blows

Why'd I have to catch the flu-u-u?
Need a new box of tissue-ue-ues
Could you get that for me, du-u-ude?
It's not like I'm gonna move today
Ev'rythin' hurts, not feelin' good today
It's just the worst, the worst flu, anyway
Don't be a jerk, how can you? You've seen my face
You're aware that it's gross
Du-u-u-ude
Flu-u-u-u

Could you get a move-on, get my tissue box, ri-ight
Please friend, please friend, need to blow my nose
That's right, you hoof it to your Nissan as I sa-ay goodbye-ye
Is he gone, yet? He is? What a schmoe!

Cause I never had the flu-u-u
He is such a dumbass dou-ou-ouche
Should know I'm a prankster du-u-ude
And now I've got me a willin' slave
Yes, I'm a jerk, that's a fair thing to say
Such a big jerk, to lie right to his face
Call me a jerk, not gonna be sayin' "nay", yeah-eah-eah
Yeah, I never had no
Flu-u-u-u, yeah-eah, oh-oh
Man, that guy's such a dope
True-ue-ue-ue, wah, yeah-eah-eah
Couldn't tell I had no flu-u