Once I had seven beers, cold, my buddy told me
"Hey, better pace yourself with all the brewskie-ies"
Once I had seven beers, cold

Weren't really big, big serves, knew I could hold that liquor
Got a good handle on my limits, go ahead and snicker
Cause I'm talkin' in past tense, means the story gets thicker
At the time I thought there was no way I could get sicker

Once I had eleven beers, cold, my buddy told me
"Make sure you drink some water, take it slowly-y"
Once I had eleven beers, cold

It started with Jim Beam in my mate's dormitory
Then I just kept drinkin' more like it was mandatory
The next beer was my quarry, in my booze purgatory
And let's not talk 'bout how much I puked in the lavatory

Once I had twenty beers, cold, my actions got bold
Was touchin' ev'ry butt, gettin' too cosy-y
Once I had twenty beers, cold
I got wasted!

My tongue felt just like mould, my knees were made of paper
But I still downed more cans because I enjoyed the flavour
My sense of ta-aste left me, but I did not waver
Mentally at least, because my feet were like a freakin' glacier

Once I had twenty beers, cold, but more I could hold
That's what I kept tellin' myself, quite slurred and slowly-y
Once I had twenty beers, cold

Once I had thirty beers, cold, even though they weren't cold
Was quite a long night, some were no longer foamy-y
Once I had thirty beers, cold

Sure was a hell of a night, at least that's what people told me
Cause when you get that friggin' sloshed you must rely on stories
To get the info you need, gotta know what category
Of medicine to down, I hope there's no suppositories
Once I had sixty beers, cold, I could've had sixty-one
But right then I discovered I had a great need to slump
Over a buddy's buddy, we weren't really best of chums
Sure, he was also drunk, but he still packed a mighty punch

Once I had sixty beers, cold, then I hit the hard wood floor
At least I woke up in my nice bed in the morni-in'
Once I had sixty beers, cold

Once I had sixty beers, cold, then I was dragged out the door
By all my friends who were still sober and could stand me
Once I had sixty beers, cold

Once I had seven beers, cold, my buddy told me
"Hey, better pace yourself with all the brewskie-ies"
Had more than seven beers, cold

Next time, I'll have one beer, cold