Chose to be on call just in case folks need help
Emergency services work should be worth makin' my poor phone yelp
Too often it's bogus, might drive me insane
Each time someone makes the "I thought that my dog was a robber" mistake
I'm happy to serve my purpose
But I don't have to smile at dopes
When the sun still rests below

Bro, it's 4, you know
If you call the one number that'll work in any weather
Do it for a real reason, not for a torn sweater
Bro, it's 4, you know
I get you might've made an error 'cause at night, you're nervous
But keep this in your mind: it's not my goddamn purpose
Bro, it's 4, you know

It's never the right time, whenever you call
An afternoon jaunt to save you from your socks? Wouldn't be bad at all
My eyes aren't in focus, a fog in my brain
And all I can think about is hopin' that someone's in pain
Sure, that may seem rather callous
But my job is to help you folks
Even when the night is cold

Bro, it's 4, you know
By the time that I get home after cleanin' your spilled pepper
I'll flop in bed in time to hear my alarm's pressure
Bro, it's 4, you know
When I came barrellin' down to your place to do my service
And it turns out you dropped a cake, it leaves me wordless
Bro, it's 4, you know

I could be fast asleep right now
If you were not a total clown
Just think before you dial your phone
You dope, you dope

It's 4, you know
If there was someone with a knife, maybe a half-crazed debtor
I'd be less tempted to jam your bits in your blender
Bro, it's 4, you know
Must this shit happen all the time? Don't want a dumbass surplus
Don't try to laugh about it, it's no joke, I'm mirthless
Bro, it's 4, you know