Although I try to always be my best
There's a certain thing I always mess
Up really horribly, real awkward sto-ory
It's such a basic part of life, oh boy
No wonder that I cannot get employed
Wish it was no-othing, it's really embarrasing

I'll lay it down, I just screw up (hey!)
Whenever this one thing comes up
I have no choice, I must work 'round
This, but no progress has been found
You're sayin' now, I must fess up (hey!)
Explain what I've been screwin' up
I'll take the fall, I'll tell you now

I can't get these damn doors open, I'm hopeless
Now it has been spoken you may begin laughin'
Cause I cannot deal with do-o-oors
Never, never can get by them
No, I just can't hack it
I can't get a grip on do-o-oors
O-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
I just can't deal with do-o-oors

Whether I misread the "push/pull" signs
Or just clock myself between the eyes
I'm just so u-unco-ordinate-ed, yo

Sometimes the door won't open up (hey!)
And other times my shirt gets stuck
It's such a load, I always frown
Rip myself free, fall to the ground
To top it off, the things won't shut (hey!)
Swing back open and bash my butt
It sucked before, it still sucks now

How can I be so damn clumsy, unlucky
Weird curse put upon me? No wonder you're laughin'
Can't handle a simple do-o-oor
Loser, loser's what I am then
Because the hard fact is:
What dumbass can't use a do-o-oor?
O-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
Why can't I deal with do-o-oors?
O-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh (it's just a door)
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
Why do I suck at do-o-oors?

Do-oors, do-oors, do-oors, do-oors, do-oors

It's not just simple doors either, it's sliders
Automatic liars, they're shut then they're slammin'
Into my shins, damn you, do-o-oors!
Painful, painful and obnoxious
Why won't it stop happ'nin'?
Why am I hated by do-o-oors?
O-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh (yeah)
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
Just wanna open do-o-oors
O-o-o-o-o-oh
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh (it's just a door)
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh
My wang's caught in this do-o-oor