I tried fruitcake
I tried fruitcake

I tried fruitcake
Yeah, It's hard as a brick
Had one simple lick
Think I will be sick
I tried fruitcake
You'll bite and teeth are chipped it's strong

I tried fruitcake
This is the gift I grieve
Passed out on Christmas Eve
It makes me want to heave
I tried fruitcake
It's got me screaming tastes so wrong

It's filled with raisins
Try to chow down
Making you spit
Making you frown

Nasty desserts
That you shouldn't eat
You'll crack your jaw on
Hard as concrete

Serve it with some wine
You'll make your guests whine
Stuffed with some plums and limes
Yeah, I think that crossed the line

I tried fruitcake
That present made me weep
Littered with nuts each piece
Bitter, sour and sweet
I tried fruitcake
To finish one's a feat not done, no...

I tried fruitcake
Yeah, Up from Hell it's sent
To even smell that scent
Gagging, Over you're bent
Put on my plate
I think I'd have a cow and vent

It's my lament
It's so lowbrow
Won't leave the tin
Worst food it's crowned

Rather eat dirt
Or mystery meat
Shot with a shotgun
Terrible treat

Pastry I won't dine
(It's a monstrous food and...) Covered in strange spice
Tradition's not too bright
(Please, Don't waste any dough on...) Even dogs won't bite

I tried fruitcake
Guests are grumbling
Loudly mumbling
I tried fruitcake
Don't know how the store sold one

I tried fruitcake
Taste buds now have died
Nibbling one slice
(I tried fruitcake)
The flavor made me roar
I tried fruitcake

I tried fruitcake

Yeah... When it's Christmas Time
(It is stuffed with cashews and...) Bakers start this crime
Along with that egg nog slime
(Yeah, The holidays blow and...) Geezers waste their dimes

I tried fruitcake
I tried fruitcake
I tried fruitcake
I tried fruitcake
I tried fruitcake