This is not done live, no, it's not done live here at all
But my boss says "it's authentic", so I'm appalled
There's some things that need hidin' on any kind of show
So I've made a nice long list of things to go

I'm sayin' "No" to the ballbags
I'm sayin' "No" to the assholes
I'm sayin' "No" to the big ass
Mean these literally, 'fraid so
I'm sayin' "No" to the jerk-offs
Who then need to be turfed off
You hear me, cam'ra man?
Cut away fast as you can (oh!)

I thought that when I quit retail
To be a TV host, I would've ditched
The kind of public decency fails
That get you arrested right quick
Had assumed he would be sober
His book on addiction is why he sat
Next to me for the whole world to view
I hope that they don't get to see that

What a big surprise, such a big surprise
And the worst surprise: sudden dong
Hope the cam'ra did not catch it for very long
A delay for the broadcast in case you didn't know
But it's only slight, wish I had time for post

Because in post, they remove that
Because in post, they can scrap balls
Because in post, they can scrub that
Before the whole internet knows
We don't have post, makes me pissed off
Because when pants get ripped off
We're stuck with the worst plan:
Cut away fast as you can (oh!)

Cut away, this is crazy, ah, cut away
Cut away, don't be lazy, cut away
When it starts to get crazy, just cut away
When they doff their pants
Cut away as fast as you can
Cut away, this is crazy, cut away
Cut away, don't be lazy, cut away
When it starts to get crazy, you need to just cut away
No-one wants to see that
Cut away as fast as you can

Really wish this was the first damn time
Someone's stripped naked live
I-I-I-I've seen 'em about, about five or seven
Times since folks first tuned in to watch last month, guessin'
It sounds insane, folks who wanna show their balls off
Congregate here just to take it all off
Haha, knock it off or I'll chop 'em off
I swear the next time I see dicks, off they'll drop
Wang exposure's not what I signed on for, moreover
Some folks blame me for these weirdos losin' their composure
The one thing that makes these dicks related
All came on my show, now they're naked
That's a loose-ass connection and I hate it
Makes more guests think that shit should get R-rated
I'm gettin' off-track but that's how the brain ticks
Talk 'bout cam'ras? Nah, naked, geez

My reputation's gettin' damaged
Got people searchin' for brief frames of peens
And I really can't stand it
Won't lean in with that shite, it's not for me
To be fair, it's not just their package
That people show that need editing
But ev'rywhere has bigots rantin'
Yet my claim to fame's nudity

Never thought I'd find, never thought I'd find that I'd long
For my show guest to just say shit that's really wrong
Guess I'm gifted at findin' the worst damn kinds of folks
Screened for drugs and wine but still they love to show

They love to show off their ballbags
They love to show off their assholes
They love to show off their big ass
And then wave it to and then fro
They love to show off their big knobs
Least they think so, a bit off
But my response still stands:
Cut away fast as you can (oh!)