Now and then I think of younger days of summer
Humidity and heat so crappy you could die
That kind of day just don't appeal to me
Back in the '80s when I was a teen
I'd just want to sit by the air conditioner

But I was obligated to a certain kind of madness
Chore assignation gave me the bends, 'twas a legend
We had the longest yard, it did not make sense
Our Dad thought a big yard makes good friends
But goddammit, we had a crappy lawnmower!

So I always had to cut the grass
To folks with smaller yard space that won't mean hardly nothing
Believe me son it would chap my ass
The lawn stretched out from our front porch to the neighbor's stuff
A square footage of nearly Five O O!
I could check the city records and confirm that number
I guess I don't need to though
But that was the yardage that I used to mow

Yes, that was the big lawn that I used to mow
So nearly a prairie that I used to mow

It wasn't simple to cleave all those bales of grass and clover
But you must believe me, it was a huge war to be won
Monstrous weeds would grow every day
Crabgrass and nettles would spray
Thorn bushes, stinging bees, gopher holes
Vine tendrils that the blades got caught on
In that bad lawn that I used to mow

Some other things that pissed me off
My hayfever'd kick in and I couldn't stop sneezing
And Zyrtec was not yet a drug!
No good cleaners to get grass stains off
And the grass smell would attack my nose
And pull out electrical cords and plug and replug 'er
Sweat would drip in my eyes just so
Now live in an apartment with no grass to grow

Yeah buddy
(The lawn that)
I had to mow
Yeah buddy
(It was a tragic lawn to mow)
Yeah buddy
(I used to mow)
Yeah buddy...
(That I used to mow)
(I used to mow)
Not for me