It's not good enough for me
Seems too iffy, dude, ooh
If I have to work with you
Then first, I have to believe, don't know
Cause when I blink there's a hint that you're not what
I thought when I first met ya
Distortion to your image
And the blame ain't with me, not touched the whisky
Don't think you're a holo, no sci-fi dork
Know the truth 'bout that glitch with you
You're a figment, trust me, not a dumb ghost, no way

Yes, you are hypothetical
No-one else is in the know, ooh-ooh
You're not technic'lly alive like my other buddies
And they'd never admit that I've not gone potty
Truth will always hurt and I'm so, so sorry
To tell 'em that the good times never really happened
Oh-oh, it's like they're all Scully
No, no, you have no real body
I won't give up, I'll prove
That in you, there is no truth

Once again, I've not been boozy (booze)
To flush out the truth, I've got a duty (dude)
Here's Point One, try and disprove this (prove):
That one time that you lit'rally went through me (through)
Work with me (work with me), can't prove me wrong (wrong)
A bruise on your hip? Show that thing off (eh-eh-eh-eh-eh, off)
What, shy? But you've claimed (eh) that you love doffin' (love doffin')
Your clothes at the drop of a hat, so you can't not strip (can't not strip, skrrt)
So you are hypothetical (eh-eh-eh-eh-eh)
And nobody really knows (eh) what they think of you
You're not really there, sad truth is (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

But it's not enough for me
Just one single proof, ooh
I've got a list of the hints that you're just not
What I thought you were, fess up
I doubt your whole existence
Know my eye gets twitchy, makes me look silly
But I still won't stop, no, must gather more
Evidence that you're not there, dude
Theory isn't bollocks or a dumb joke, no way

Cause you are hypothetical
So sad that no-one else knows, ooh-ooh
You're not properly alive like their other buddies
Cause then they must admit that they've gone quite potty
Truth of that'll hurt and I'm so, so sorry
That ev'ry little mem'ry they have didn't happen
Oh-oh, I'm Mulder, they're Scully
No, no, gotta prove their folly
It's my one goal to prove
That in you there's zero truth (oh-oh-oh-oh)

The you that my eyes see (eyes see)
A trick, it's true, you don't (you don't)
Have what one would call a presence, you should know
That you don't fool me
I don't have pictures of you, 'fraid so (so)
No videos, mp3s, nothin' at all
Throwin' doubt on you clockin' hours
Don't see your name on the schedule, asshole
Coincidence? Hell no (no)
Don't pull that out, it won't (won't)
Change up my mind, total nonsense
A load of bollocks (eh-eh-eh-eh-eh), that's what you are and I will stop it (eh)
Gonna watch you go up in puffs of logic

Cause you are hypothetical
A group figment, that I know that's what's up with you (ooh-ooh)
Picked your trail up, I ain't clueless, I'm not
Oh-oh, this room's full of Scullys
No, no, but they're not pure dummies
They'll understand my proof
And you'll leave our brains, you douche