At the Mr. Beef downtown, get the special I love
And I say, "Au jus!"
Because the bread for my sandwich ain't soft enough
I say, "Au jus! With peppers, too!"

Now if I was richer, I'd eat roti de boeuf
Served with some pommes frite (mmm,mmm, some pommes frite!)
Because I can't really invest
No community chest
But I make do

So sad and wary, I can't afford to drink sherry
But I do got the cash to drink beer
I also drink Maalox, but no Campari
But I think Budweiser brings me more cheer

I am such a fool, I wanna cruise with you
Let's get an outrigger
Makes all your friends snicker
They all give advice to you
That I really should not be your boyfriend

When we go to the show, it really pains me, my love
I can't pay for two
'Cause that charge on my credit will be too much
To pay for you, and popcorn too!

Now despite this picture, I hope to keep you
I'm not much, I admit (he will admit)
And though my family crest
Is just toothpaste at best
I'll still be true

Yes my house is like a burrow
On the badder side of the street
But I tell ya, no one will hurt ya
As long as you don't make a peep, no

They say I'm a fool to fall in love with you
I'm not worth six figures
Not much a bacon-bringer
I bought some flowers for you
Better put 'em in a glass right now

Wish I could take you on a foreign trip, love
Up near old Anjou
Or, make a change in that docket
Pack it all up and see Honshu, and Qatar, too!

You get the picture? Wish I was with you
Join me on this trip (pack for this trip)
Let us all make a love nest, let's go tour Budapest!
Now why don't you?

Now maybe, maybe, maybe
My marijuana habit's real bad
(real bad, real bad, real bad)
I'm wearing your pajamas
I left all my clothes at my mother's pad (her pad, her pad, her pad)
(yup, I did)
'Cause I was like
What? (what?)
What? (what?)
What, LAUNDRY?!
I need you!
I need your cash!!

And now I'm walkin' round town with sneakers I found
Juan's shoes!
It was a shame that my bus locker got busted up
I'll live with you, 'cause you got the room!

Yes, life would be richer if I could shack up with you
Hey now, why did you spit?
(And have a fit?)
You won't consider this love nest? But this wasn't a jest!
Well Too-Da-Loo!