[SPOKEN]
‘Sup, Bo Burnham? You all good? Yeah, you… said...
I’m just clicking here on this BUTTON THING!
Whaaaaat? I’m rapping things right now?
Oh, compelling stuff.
Yo, Bo…

[VERSE 1]
I’m your similar synonym, a thin heightened whitey
With Keira I’m sexing ‘Knightley’
Carson ‘Daly’? Topping you, Bo
Making you feel a ‘right tit’ like Heidi

My Magnum’s loaded, like Wordsworth’s work
A broken record: these words weren’t whirred
Call me Harry Potter
I chew weed and can talk under water

Got a sharp carving knife, I’m starving
Carving steak like a heifer calving
Cough’s ‘horse’… hack up souvlaki
Coughin’ like the paparazzi shot an Iraqi

And I’m the ocker-dile hunter of ‘accent-ricity’
Searched Avatar Porn, got a blue screen
404’s a common error… error… error… parrot…
Esoteric? Nooooo!

I can’t be topped
Flow so slick like when BP slopped glop
Trip like a ‘60s club
With some Hitchcock Psycho-delia, I’ll f*** you up

Annoy… the world… like genital itch
You suck! Hoover imbursement
Flick down the opposite switch
You… blow like Hoovers reversin’

[BRIDGE]
Here’s two sacks
Gonna steal the show now
“And my acts!”

[CHORUS]
Bow down to my awesomeness
Like I’m a Hippogriff
Hurry, or get ripped to bits
Fly gymnastic author skills
I’m gonna flip this script

[VERSE 2]
Met a girl named Macy
I had sex with her all day
But she was prosthetic
Just a blow-up sex doll from the
“Macy’s Parade”

We ballin’, Fred Durst: keep rollin’
Ground a ‘short black’: Gary Coleman
Bone your t**s like a woven corset
Tapping that s***… Farrah ‘faucet’

Hide… in the wild wood
Robbin’ Red Riding Hood?
Ed Cullen, pop-collared dullard
He’s sullen, all that garlic swallowed

Got an axe to grind
Chop a chip off the block, can you pass the Heinz, man?
Typin’… like I’m Jack in The Shinin’
A nook to, look through, who’s Cuckoo-minded?

Blinded, like Ray Charles’ eyes were
Losing my site like child porn providers
Vidi, Vici: I saw, I conquered…
Then came astride her

I hear AIDS spread from Osiris
When he punctured underage Miley Cyrus
We ‘donkey vote’
‘cause to vote for elephants is highly Rightist

[BRIDGE]
I’m tops, Hot Shot… like brothers Zucker
Inside trading’s the real Martha f***er!

[CHORUS]
I hate large thesauruses
‘cause I’m illiterate
(Little bits!)
Too long, can’t you Twitter it?
I can’t find cl******es
You need map instruments
(Intimate!)

[VERSE 3:]
We, the viewers of your YouTube page
Won’t pay, got to work for pro-Bo-no wage
Just keep recording more audio. ‘U2’ now
Because that Lars Ulrich’s a ‘sour kraut’

Misde-meanour girls are racist to gingers
Arrest all those Reds with Lunatic Fringes
Empty space is full of ninjas
Inject crims with sterile syringes

Out of here, into there
It’s hard to hear over shirts I wear
When Justin Bieber later grows a pair
They will snip off his sack and his puberty hair

Did I say puberty? I meant homo comb-o-ver
200 bucks? A no-Go
Hate the player, it’s Shirts vs Skins
With my pal Ralph Lauren and the Olsen twins

…flip a dime!

[CHORUS]
I’m the town deflorist, yes
So please unzip it quick
(Lick your lips)
Tongue out as your lips are split
I’m hung like a jurist is
Well-hung like Shipp and Smith
(Shipp and Smith?)

…uh, yeah. Don’t Google that now.

[HOOK]
Written some prose? Bo’s blows
Poems which he’ll compose… kitsch and gross

Shit that I wrote: dope and sick
And all the pros know Nib flows venomous
Nib is a kosher vocalist
But I’m told Bo’s so anti-Semitist
Shit that I wrote: dope and sick
But all Bo’s notes: ghost-wrote by terrorists
Nib is the token joker, kids
And this damned new Bo schmoe’s my nemesis

So take all your bars, adjourn ‘em
Because it’s been determined
No matter how you’re yearnin’
For whiteboy groupies, Burnham earned ‘em

Triple the Hos, Ho Ho
Oh, triple the Hos
Christmas is close
Kink in the hose, oh no
No drips from the hose
H-2-the-O

…
You ho, Bo.