My whole team is in a pained mess
Jimmy says he's sprained his butt
Though I think the truth there ain't much
All his teammates are also stuck
On the ground, this is a train wreck
Wish I knew what I'm supposed to do
Well, I mean besides a rest or two
I meant how to get a win here, dude, 'cause
Last night, I was so damn elated
Thought I'd worked out how we could take it
But it seems I was wrong, I'm really confused

Heard the best defense (defense)
Is a real great offense (offense)
Tell me: has that worked for anybody else?
Because all I can see are wrecked bodies
I thought the best defense (defense)
Was a real great offense (offense)
Look, it has to have worked for somebody else (somebody)
To become a phrase, someone support me (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

The point is to always push forward
Make you feel so discombobbled
Might think that word's not made up (up)
Can't work it out 'cause your head throbs (throbs)
Each player runnin' straight through you (you)
Precision strike, pretty hard to lose
That's what I had thought, so pumped too
Seemed like the perfect style for my team, it's true, yeah-eah
These guys aren't all that good at patience
Slow and steady? No, they can't make it
And who I have's who I've got, I've gotta make do (so, so)

Heard the best defense (defense)
Is a real great offense (offense)
Need to know if it's worked for somebody else
'Cause I must be assured the fault's not me
I thought the best defense (defense)
Was a real great offense (offense)
Wonder if it's worked for anybody else (somebody)
Or if it's a scam that's been played on me (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

"Plan's scrawled on tissue (yeah), that's your real issue (yeah-eah)
Real strategy's missed you 'cause you're a twit, dude (no)
Yeah, it's not workin', see your team wheezin'?
Physical jerks aren't for show and good feelin's
Need more than the word "go" (mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm)
Don't be shocked your score's low (oh-oh-oh-ooh-ooh)
There's no need to roll your eyes more (eyes more)
And stop sayin' "blah, blah, blah" more"
Shut up, the best defense
Must be a great offense
All of your stupid words aren't gonna help
Won't let me work out why half my kids fell

Heard the best defense (heard the best defense) (defense)
Is a real great offense (is a great offense) (offense)
What's the reason it works for somebody else (somebody)
But the failure's only comin' from me?
I thought the best defense (so sure that the best defense) (defense)
Was a real great offense (mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm) (offense, yeah)
Wish that I could talk to anybody else (somebody)
'Cause your "exercise more" talk just bums me (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Heard the best defense (defense)
Is a real great offense (offense)
All I need to defeat anybody else
Was this simple tactic, must it flop? Geez
I thought the best defense (defense)
Was a real great offense (offense, yeah)
Think I need to try it on somebody else (somebody)
Rule out any way that the fault's on me (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)