Everything that I have made is all bad
I've got no dish on the side for the buffalo thighs
Since my carrot cuts have gone awry
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

Everything that I have made is all bad
Put too much sauce in the pies, got no time for the rice
I used rosemary instead of thyme
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

Every time that I've tried to bake
They look nothing like sponge cakes
Half the time I make a milkshake
Blender's not working

(No) Recipes all well-rehearsed
(Oh) Service time, now why won't they work
(I) was hand-in-head in the bottom floor chiller like man
Not giving a damn who sees me

It's all gone, so wrong
Buffalo thighs may have come out too soon, too raw
Prepping the chilli, being a slow chef that I am
I bet you prob'ly believe
I've been a good chef
A good chef would do the things I'm about to tell you I've done
Great hygiene is no good
And it would be even worse for the next shift in Hilton Hotel

Everything that I have made is all bad
I've got no dish on the side for the buffalo thighs
Since my carrot cuts have gone awry
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

Everything that I have made is all bad
Put too much sauce in the pies, got no time for the rice
I used rosemary instead of thyme
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

If I could stop all the hands of time
I will be much better, I would
Instead of everything being all bad
Maybe only my knife cuts are screwed

I don't mean to waste food
But I know
What I'm telling you will make guests all go away
They probably just want to rob my pay
I'm mad enough to punch me in my face

I was born with hydrocephalus
But no excuses for what I did
I know
Today is the day that I won't tell a lie
Don't try and spare my feelings, girl

I'm sorry
Lady, I'm sorry
But I can no longer walk around with this stress on my chest
I confess

Everything that I have made is all bad
I've got no dish on the side for the buffalo thighs
Since my carrot cuts have gone awry
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

Everything that I have made is all bad
Put too much sauce in the pies, got no time for the rice
I used rosemary instead of thyme
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

[Instrumental, I made a perfect pair of sunny-side up eggs for myself just before I clean the kitchen down, but the restaurant is closed, still hacked off about another bad day at service, I wrote this song in my notebook, tore it off and attached it on the letter of resignation.]

Everything that I have made is all bad
I've got no dish on the side for the buffalo thighs
Since my carrot cuts have gone awry
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that

Everything that I have made is all bad
Put too much sauce in the pies, got no time for the rice
I used rosemary instead of thyme
They're no good, it's all bad

And I just want to confess
It's been going on so long
(Taste good but) plating looks all wrong
And I want you to know that