Spoken Intro: "Hi, I'm Toby Keith, and I'm a retard."
Group of people: "Hi, Toby."

He's got a fat face
He's got big jowels
I heard he used to date pigs and cows
An' he's brain-dead, he's a fairy
He pretends he was in the military
Toby's the worst of the so-called country "stars"
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm Keith's a retard.

Keith's a retard
I can't stand his face
His music stinks so bad,
It's like a fart that you can taste
It aint too hard, he's a bozo bard
Ooh, hoo, hoo Keith's a retard.

He's a coward, he drives a Gremlin
He played with Barbie put he really likes Ken
An' he's a dim-bulb, He's a braggard
He's a pale imitation of Merle Haggard
In his videos he looks like a tub-o-lard
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm Keith's a retard.

He likes his Gremlin (he likes his Gremlin)
He likes his male cousins (cousins)
He likes to take 'em to Broadway shows
And put makeup on 'em now and then.

But Keith's a retard
I'd like to spray him with mace
Just go to one of those award shows
And take a big dump in his face

But no so such luck, he would just duck
Ooh, ooh, ooh, wooo Toby Keith sucks.