“Hey Doc!
I think… That I might just be dying
So… Can you go and give me three more CAT-scans?
Because I’ve got a cough and sniffles that I could do without”

“I think I might need a medic”

Sneeze (sniffle)
Hack (whiffle)
Throat is too sore to shout
My forehead is burning up
And I think I have got the gout
Doc put his hands down my pants
And he told me to cough
Green as pickles with a fever
Of at least two hundred one
I might have ate some rotten lunch
Or gotten rabies from some hound
And now I’m under all these covers
I called up work and said, “I’m out”
It’s not syphilis from sex
I’m a virgin more or less
But still it sucks (Pain makes me blind)
I’m soon in the bathroom hurling
Now I’m not quite in my prime

Check me out!
I called up Bernie because he is my doctor
And said, “I have an illness that you need to come proctor”
Come take some blood now!
Then I told Bernie that I might need a surgeon
Because on my body damn near everything is hurtin’
Gonna vomit now!

Gloves
The kind that you like shoving into my sphincter
I don’t know why I go to this clinic
Cause the pain it always lingers
Emphysema, Back Pain, Dirrahea
Or perhaps it might be all of these
My bones are broken, wounds are open, I need lotion
To spread on this rash it seems
Is this my demise? I despise pink eye, oh my, I feel just like sh*t
I suck cough drops to stop my coughing
But still this sickness is the pits
So I hope that you don’t mind how I whine
Because it’s really not my style
With a disease that’s versatile even you’ll get hostile!

Hello Nurse!
Come help me Bernie, I know you’re a great healer
But you’re selling all my organs like a black market dealer
I want my lung back!
If you keep this up I’m going to get an attorney
So get me out of this damn coffin and onto a damn gurney!
Getting violent now!

I traveled the jungle to find a witch doctor
I woke up and found my kidneys inside a meat locker
Stop it! Holy cow!
I need to get some help from the city hospital
Get your hands on some pills and off of my testicals
Not too proud!
Hurry it up or go get me to the ER
Don’t tell me you’re on break just go put out that cigar!
I’m going to die now!
You’re going tell me that I’m a hypochondriac
But if everything is fine then just why do I panic?
Soon I’m underground