When you're thirteen, you think it's nea-eat
To write fan fics, sounds li-ike a ball
When you come back at twenty-three-ee
You'll find your work was rea-eal banal

Your fics were teemin' with jumps in reason
And an abundance of purple prose
Focused description on the pairin'
How it's so hot, you know
So heavy-handed, right
And your brain's like "I penned this tripe?"

Tried to be "dark", unique but still a clo-one
Cause who needs depth when you've exposed brains?
Insertin' a-at-the-time hot meme jokes
Now lookin' ba-ack with such disdain

Those fics are seethin' with plot-point steali-in'
From better books and fan-fics you'd known
A lot of bondage for some reaso-on
Did you do research? No
No "character" in sight
And your brain's like "I penned this tripe?"
It says that you revised about twelve times
But it was still shite, so you're still like
"I penned thi-is tripe?"

You cou-ould take them offli-ine
Recycle a-all the handwritten shi-i-ite
But they'll stay i-in your mi-ind
Your bad l33t-sp34k will haunt you for all ti-i-ime
May be a pro now, ri-i-ight
But it's still quite the blow

Mary Sues left and right
And your brain's like "I penned this tripe?"
Awful stereotypes of ev'ry kind
Felt great at the time, but now you're li-ike
"I pe-enned this?"
Twelve diff'rent font types
And your brain's like "I penned this tripe?"
It's no wonder there's five beers you've imbibed
Ev'ry factor's shite, hence why you're like
"I penned this tri-ipe?" (ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
I-It's tri-i-i-i-ipe (ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
So shi-i-ite (ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
I've been there before, right (ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah)
I've penned such tripe