I don't mean to seem so dumb
Like my brain's a vegetable
But when I open up my mouth
I say things like "subliminable"
I call a guy an ass, and I still get elected
That's 'cause I'm Politically Connected

My head's so filled with straw
I can't form a coherent sentence
And every public appearance
Erodes my apparent competence
I'll just get advisors and speechwriters
And regurgitate their nonsense
I'll keep repeating
While my IQ's retreating

I don't mean to seem so dumb
With things that I said
But all that college booze and coke
Left me mostly brain dead

There's nothing I find harder
Than proper elocution
It's a good thing murdering English
Doesn't call for execution
I'll just ignore that it's happening
That's my favorite solution
I'm unconvincing
And my staff is wincing

I don't mean to seem so dumb
Though it is quite evident
I can't even spell DC
But I is the President
Think running a baseball team
is what got me elected?
It's 'cause I'm Politically Connected

Am I moderate, do I lean to the right?
What special interests do I bow down to?
Who gave more money to our campaign fight?
What was it Daddy said that I should do?
Maybe I should just ignore all the lobbyists
And try to do what's best for everyone
Who am I kidding? I've got power and importance
Watch out world, here I come!

Tell me
What happened to all the qualified candidates
It's so bad, even Quayle could be elected today
I think I'll make him Secretary of State