Math seemed so easy
Like addin', cinch to me
Can multiply, divide and subtra-a-act
But anythin' more complex than that
Is somethin' I just can't do-o
For example: that slash with the double no-o-oughts

Those percentages, I ha-ate them
Just can't wrap my head around
My brain goes blank, I don't get it at a-all, dude
Thought I was a nu-umbers guy
Was bullcrap, i-it seems

My face alwa-ays falls
When I have to-o fi-igure
Out the meanin' of this pe-ercent
Do I times by-y eight
Or divide by-y ha-alf?
I can't think, can't deal with pe-ercents

I'm aware these things
May be a real thorn in my si-ide
But they don't show up a whole lot, I-I know
You might blame the rarity
For why my head can't take
It when they show up in a random store

If they showed up more, could ta-ake it
Get used to how they work now
But instead they just pop up out of the-e blue
Panickin', should I-I divide?
Or, wait multi-iply?

At these things, I-I'm balls
Hopeless at the-ese fi-igures
Freak when I see signs marked "pe-ercent"
Fail to keep thi-ings straight
Someone who ca-an ma-ath
Please help me with this damn pe-ercent

I know it's "percentage" and not "percent"
That's how little I know, it ma-akes no se-ense (makes no se-ense)
How did I pass math if right now, it's this hard?
I'm not that sure, dude, my brain's like a sieve, man (leaks info like mad)

Always drop the-e ball
When it comes to-o fi-igures
My brain can't handle this pe-ercent
Too much of a-a strain
On my mind, i-it la-acks
The knowledge to solve this pe-ercent
And I hear you-ou all
Say "Use calcu-la-ators
Or your phone to work out pe-ercents"
Don't know how to-o, mate
I'm aware tha-at's sa-ad
That's how much I fail at pe-ercents