My books are on the self
By the way i have yet to crack one this term
I'm discovering the new self
FYI, you should really be concerned

I just talked to my advisor to day
said "Kapooch, basketry is the way"
even my professors call me
by my stupid high school nickname

Don't tell my mother
or my father
that i have changed my major
to basket weaving
from biology
i'm sure i can still get a job
I'm not stupid, i'm just lazy
college is a chance to start a second life

go ahead and swipe my card
meals on a plan, an hourglass gain of sand
it's an all-you-can buffe
every single day and i avoid the salad bar

I was just headed back to they galley
when my friends said "I think you've had enough"
even Christie Alley
is like, "Damn kid you eat too much"

don't tell my mother
or my father
although it's hard to hide
the skinny kid that was me
caught the freshmen fifteen
my feet i cannot find
i'm not fat , I'm just chunky
college is a chance to do the things you wouldn't at home

oh-no there my dad
oh crap there's my mom
i hope they didn' t hear this song

don't tell my brother
or my sister
that i joined rainbow district
to experiment
with other men
my folks would flip their lids
i'm not gay, just bicourios
college is a chance to start a second life...