Hey it’s Delilah and I’m calling from Manhattan
Were you the guy from Starbucks?
Who looks just like Dick Van Patten?
yeah, that’s who
it really was nice meeting you
your mother too

Yes, it’s Delilah and I feel apologetic
Your song was really sweet but
now it’s made me diabetic
anyway,
I won’t forget our special day
at Comp USA

Oh, it’s not you, no it’s me
Oh, it’s not you, no it’s me (etc.)

Hey it’s Delilah, and I’m flattered by your attention
but regretfully, I’ll have to miss that
Star Trek Convention
I recommend
That you and I should just be friends
no offense...

Hey it’s Delilah and it’s really been nice chattin’
But I’ve got some model shoots to do for FHM and Maxim,
gotta go
But we should keep in touch, you know?
Every year or so

Oh, it’s smut you want to see
Oh, it’s smut you want to see (etc.)

I really liked your knock-knock jokes
It’s sweet you still live with your folks
and playing World of Warcraft sure was cool
But hey now, you will see me soon
the magazine comes out in June
They say the ink’s resistant now to drool
I’m sure someday you’ll meet someone
who thinks Debate Club’s really fun
Someone who’s never ever scoffed
at Microsoft...

Hey it’s Delilah here and no, I don’t like knowing
‘bout your fantasies of fondling my soiled and sweaty clothing
that’s bizarre
Let’s just leave things the way they are
I like you better from afar
I’m glad that you don’t have a car
so, au revoir

Oh, my boyfriend’s calling me
Oh, my boyfriend’s calling me...(etc.)
Oh, his band’s on MTV
You know, he just got his law degree
Oh, he’s calling me