There's times when I think you are fat
Way too fat for me
There's times when you dress for romance
Too much to see
Butt, it sticks grossly outward like Jello spurts
Your shorts are worse

You'll crush your nuts in
Underwear too small
You'll get no blood flow
Underwear too small
It's really yucky
Underwear too small
Go buy some boxers

You need some newer clothes
And you need to exercise
But lately, you've been making more lard
And bulging out your vest
And, you wear out the most sturdy briefs
Then still put ‘em on
I can't wait till they're gone
Please flush ‘em down the john

You'll crush your ween in
Underwear too small
You'll get no air flow
Underwear too small
It's really funny
Underwear too small
Go buy some new ones

So many moons that I have now seen
Get that back ‘way from me
You've holes right through that underwear
And you make me thinner
You've holes right through that underwear
And you make me thinner
Thinnerthinner

You are my Prince Charmin
Like the old toilet paper
You are always pootin'
And when one comes around
The air gets more stale-in'
It's too much!
The laundry I just throw your pants in
And the washer just throws up
They wind up on the floor
They just miss the hamper
And I can't find a cure
You're just like a baby
Of that I'm sure
Over and over again
I get bored

You've used up the elastic
And all you've got left is three
But somehow, I live with this big mess
I guess I'm too easy

You'll crush your nuts in
Underwear too small
You'll get no blood flow
Underwear too small
It's really yucky
Underwear too small
Go buy some boxers

You'll crush your ween in
Underwear too small
You'll get no air flow
Underwear too small
It's really funny
Underwear too small
Go buy some new ones