Look at this big fat guy
Everytime he walks he eats a pie
How did he get so fat
Might as well have hit him with a baseball bat.

This is where he grew up
I think the salad diet fixed him up
Everyday he ate a ham
Then he went and switched to lamb.

This is where he went to school
He made their school look like a fool
Soon he got high blood pressure
Now he eats in front of his dresser

He wonders if its too late
Should he go back and try to take away all he ate
He will never be thin
Or be able to fit in a garbage bin

Chorus
Everytime I eat a pie
I think of that big fat guy
Its hard to say
Its time to say it
Diet, Diet
Everytime I pass by that school
I think of that big fool

Its hard to say
Its time to say it
Diet, Diet

Remember the old burger joint
Blew every dollar he had at that point
The fast food never helped him out
I never thought he had a doubt

He used to be a big bully
But he never even grew up fully
He said someday he would find out how it feels
To get stuck behind his steering wheel

Bob's the first boy he kissed
He was so nervous that he nearly pissed
He was only ten back then
And then he moved on to Glen

I miss that guy
And his pie
You cant replace the past
Even if life goes too fast
I miss it now
That big fat cow
So hard to keep
That big old freak
If I could relive those days
I would tell him he was wrong with his ways

Look at the big fat guy
He's still chipping at that old pie
What a funny