As William "Kirk" Shatner once said,
When some fans worshiped him overlong,
"Get a life! For crying out loud!"
May I suggest his approach was wrong?

If no one for your plight has feeling,
Because you've lost at budget dealing,
And we're about to hit the debt ceiling,
Why not do yourselves in?

If all your paychecks are depending
On government handouts and spending,
And now your gravy train is ending,
Go on, do yourselves in!

Any moment you're going tits-up;
So many ways to lose.
Don't try to keep your false hope bits up!
Why keep paying your dues?

So if you work for our dumb gu'mm't,
Don't hold out hope for some dumb summit!
Just find a high roof and jump from it,
And so, do yourselves in!
It's less work than spin
To do yourselves in!

"Finally, you're free from your debts!"

If you find climate change alarming,
And say it's our planet we're harming,
But no one finds your worries charming,
Why not do yourselves in?

If it's your grievance group we're trashin',
And you say that we lack compassion,
Don't you know? You've gone out of fashion!
Go on, do yourselves in!

If you have no hope for tomorrow,
Why not give up today?
We don't want to pay for all your sorrow,
So get out of the way!

Now on this point, let's be emphatic:
Don't be screaming, oh queens dramatic!
Just buy a semi-automatic,
And go, do yourselves in!
Don't make such a din!
Just do yourselves in!

"Eat your heart out, Sylvia Plath!"

"Remember, if you're worried about your carbon footprint,
you're free to stop breathing at any time!"

So if your union's getting busted,
Don't go crying that you're disgusted,
Finish the job! Life's maladjusted!
Go on, do yourselves in!

The light at the end of the tunnel
Is an oncoming train!
Your finances are down the funnel;
You're circling the drain!

The end has come to your spending spree,
You've no hope for a recovery...
Make your wills out to our treasury,
And go, do yourselves in!
Tell your next of kin
You just cannot win;
Then do yourselves in!