Oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Stay put, yeah, yeah

A nasty accident has left you with a grisly blow
You'll need some surgery and then a steady morphine flow
Until the pain stops and all the sutures
Are not needed and you've gained perfect health
But before that happens, we need you inside this ambulance
So let me strap you tightly down with these three handy belts
I'm tightenin' two and I'm hopin' for three
But that's delayed cause of one thing: you will not help
You'd think an injured person would assume they had no choice
But to lay and wait for the inevitable invoice
Why are you thrashin' round and screamin' that you're quite alright?
I feel that's crazy (please stay on the stretcher)

You are not "okay" now, believe me (the stretcher)
Because your backside still bleeds (sit down, sit down)?
Put your mind at ease, sir (sit down, sit down)
Please stay on the stretcher
Your body's gonna heal wrong if I don't stop (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Doubt you can walk far in the shape you're in, let alone run (ooh-ooh, yeah)
No truth to all your claims it's a wound of the flesh (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Oh, sorry, buddy, please stay on the stretcher

'Fraid you'll misalign all the bones in your spine
If you reach out for my face like so
Yellin' at me "LET ME GO STRAIGHT HOME RIGHT NOW!!1"
Sorry, but I'm not a newbie (newbie)
My degree won't be wasted, so I
Have to try to convince you, mate
That you're in real di-ire straights
And though it is the truth, you won't take it to heart
And turn this medical routine into a proper farce
I've had patients who were irreverent, throwin' things, cryin', lyin'
Insistin' my diagnosis was wrong
And yet you take the cake because mince bolognese is what your person looks like
I wouldn't, wouldn't call that "alright" (not alright), sorry (not alright, please stay on the stretcher)

Right now, there is one thing that I need (the stretcher)
That's to co-operate with me (sit down, sit down)?
Put your mind at ease, sir (sit down, sit down)
Please stay on the stretcher
I don't want you to heal wrong, so please, sir, stop (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Your thrashin' doesn't mean that you're fine, dude, I know my stuff (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Adrenaline drowns pain, so stop bein' a twit (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Oh, sorry, buddy, please stay on the stretcher, buddy (please stay on the stretcher, ooh-ooh, yeah)
Might have lots of sedatives on me (the stretcher, ooh-ooh, yeah)
If I miss, a waste, you see (ooh-ooh, yeah) (sit down, sit down)?
Put your mind at ease, sir (sit down, sit down)
Please stay on the stretcher
I know if you heal wrong, you'll throw blame on (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Me, though I said three thousand times to stop (ooh-ooh, yeah)
They'll throw out that case, so I think that it's best (ooh-ooh, yeah)
Oh, sorry, buddy, please stay on the stretcher

Ooh-ooh, yeah, ooh-ooh, yeah
Ooh-ooh, yeah, please stay on the stretcher