Oh, which arsehole's doin' this? It seems that ev'ry single time
I want to show off somethin' great, it vanishes before my eyes
It makes me look like such a twat because I'm always actin' sure
That it was really there before, which makes the reactions endure
"I'm sure that it was really right there, mate"
And all of my attempts to prove the truth makes me look crazed
It's not some kind of lie to try and win you over
And hell no, I'm not blitzed this time, I'm at least two days sober

It was there, man, you've got to believe me
You've got to believe me, come on, man, believe me
Oh, it's the truth, I swear, it was gonna be a treat
A really awesome treat
Oh, it was there, how the hell'd it get misplaced?
Somehow it was displaced from this one certain space
Oh, it's the truth, I swear, help me look for it, mate
It can't've gone far, mate

Oh, I'm not pullin' a dumb prank, it was right there on my desk
Don't just stand there and roll both your eyes, help me look around instead
Cause it was gonna be the best thing that said eyes have ever seen
Would I make a fuss over nothin'? Kinda, yes, alright, but see
This is the thing that proves I'm not insane
And once you've seen it, then you'll realise it, so don't say
That I'm wastin' my time lookin' beneath my sofas
I've pulled this trick before, but that's the point: I've been screwed over

It was there, it's a big conspiracy
Someone wants to make me come off as a crazed freak
Oh, it's the truth, I swear, someone stole that thing I need
To prove I'm not a geek
Oh, it was there, someone broke into my place
To steal the thing I placed right there without a trace
Oh, it's the truth, I swear, I need someone to blame
So I don't look insane

Don't leave, you twit, or I'll nail you in place
I need to find this object that'll prove I'm not insane
Just tell me if you spy somethin' completely awesome
Cause that's probably it, because we share tastes, least I'm hopin'

It was there, my invisible rat spleen
I thought you'd find it neat and then you would love me
Oh, it's the truth, I swear, don't you go Cassandra me
And refuse to believe
Oh, it was there, I know what you're gonna say
"If it's transparent, mate, why the "it's stolen" claim?"
Oh, it's the truth, I swear, you don't appreciate
The workings of my brain