Old Kenneth was hopping around
Miss Filice's classroom like a big playground
when suddenly Matthew burst from his desk
and smacked old kenny with his vest

Kenny got angry and began to swear
but didn't expect to be hit by Ethan's hair
who preceded to comb it through and through
when suddenly Chris Fracchioni came out and said, "Who?"

Then he started eating up Ethan's veal
then they both got detention from the teacher mobile
but before they could make it to the room
Old Man Robbie smacked them with a broom

And took out his copy of Worms 3D from under his hat
Played with Chris Fracchioni with a rat-a-tat-tat
But he ran out of money and he ran away
because Mr. Moscato came to save the day

Chorus:
This is the Ultimate Classroom
of total hilarity
Ethan, Matt, and Kenny
arguing about who's gay
and one will die
I wonder who it won't be
This is the Ultimate Classroom of Total Hilarity.

Kenny took a bite of Jake's KD
like Ethan takes a bite outta' me
then Robbie came back covered in a sticky cat
when Joey jumped out and landed on his back
And Matthew was injured and trying to get steady
when Chris came back with some spaghetti
when something got his food and he tripped
Mr. Johnny Jones took his food with a whip
then he saw old Kenny sneaking up from behind
and he reached for his pants which he just couldn't find
because Ethan stole them, put 'em on, and he missed

And Joey grabbed them with his fist
Then he jumped in the air and he screamed "Hostage!"
while Robbie tried to polevault onto Mr. Moscato
but they collided in the air
and they both got hit by Ethan's hair

[Chorus]

Angels sang out in immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended a thesaurus
which delivered a word which could break bones
into the ear of Johnny Jones
who fell onto the ground, thinking in pain
as Matthew changed back into Shane
but thesaurus saw through his crappy disguise
and he crushed Matthew's brain inbetween his seams

Then Filip the Grey, and Filip the White
and rock n' roll's really awesome band the White Stripes
and Cassandra Knebel and Jessica Spencer and Robbie C. and Carson Daly
RoboJake, the Burninator, Captain Ethan and Link Vader, Graeme, Kennedy,
Hillary and Tom Brady
Gio P. Spina and Colin Bardoel
Alex, G.C. Sarah and Cathy

all came outta nowhere lightening fast
and they kicked thesarus in its rhyming ass
It was the funniest battle that the school ever saw
with teachers looking out in total awe

The fight raged on for 10 minutes
many guys turned gay,
but eventually
the champion stood. The rest saw their better.
Mr. Morawek in a tech stained sweater.

[Chorus]