Up off the ground
Now, my legs around
Got my underwear on
Commando, I've not gone
That way for a while
Prefer fabric down the Nile

Protect the jeans
From rubbing my butt
A thong or a G-
String don't make me a slut
But it's got a price
Even if my guiche feels nice

And it's worse than pubic lice

Every time I pull my pants
On it feels oh so clingy
Massive, massive wedgie
There's no breeze in my nether
Regions, you know it's got me
A massive, massive wedgie
Promise I'll be fine,
As my knickers go into my behind
God damn it my pants are lacy
And my ass is hungry
Massive, massive wedgie

I might go out
Va-jayjay on show
But it's always behind
Something slinky and fine
In between the cheeks
Dental floss, it starts to squeak

What can I say?
Granny pants aren't the way
Mascara runs down
Makes me look like a clown
When I take them off
I breathe, and I start to cough

As I air out my sweet trough

Underwear's a godsend
But it's rubbing on my hedge, see
Massive, massive wedgie
Bajingo is chafing
Doctor says that things are sketchy
My massive, massive wedgie
Only get relief
When I undress to sit on toilet seats
Like a chastity belt
Though you know that wouldn't stop me
Massive, massive wedgie

Cream, on
The rash from material
Don't slap
Up my bits, 'cause they're really sore
Just want, a little fun
Though I've got these hives on my bum

So I keep on crying 
Suffering through pain for beauty
Massive, massive wedgie
Inside I am dying 
Hopefully I look a cutie
With massive, massive wedgie
It's so asinine
But I need to make sure I'm divine
When no-one is looking
I reach down and I adjust me
Massive, massive wedgie