The Lyrics

The boys from American Idol get to look like Ruben Studdard with no fuss. The girls like Kelly Clarkson and Kimberley Locke must focus on losing weight, or else they're told America won't accept them. This is sort of my take on that kind of brainwashing.

My cinnamon bun
My seasoned French fries
My piece of chicken, mmmm

My Frito-Lays
My pepperoni
My turkey and ham, it's all here, oh.

But all this food
In fat alone,
could never let a girl look like skin and bone
So, by keeping my stomach empty
I'll never, ever get too hefty
Little Miss Slighty Zaftig
Said ooh, I'm on T.V.

Now Simon Cowell's takin' over!
Thinkin' I should become a size four!
Surprise! It's time to skip a meal!
What happened to my cinnamon bun?
No longer get to eat any carbs!
Goodbye old you, I'm through with food.

This diet's hard.
Nutrition bars...
and if I wanna eat some bread,
I better learn to starve

But I'm still motivated
I'm gonna stay emaciated
And this Miss will get to stay and sing more crappy songs!

So, by leavin' behind digestion
I went in a new direction
and found no need to feed my midsection.
Lost twenty pounds!

So Simon Cowell's taken over,
And I'm not lookin' healthy no more!
Don't mind, it's fine! Who needs a meal?
So long to all my cinnamon buns!
No longer need to eat any carbs!
Goodbye, old you, I'm through with food (I'm through with food)

With a cinnamon bun on my plate
I used to eat it right away
Then looked in the mirror and was afraid
What happens if this fortune fades away?
It took some time for me to see
That I had to starve myself to sing
Or else I'd die in obscurity
like that guy Justin Guarini!

So Simon Cowell's taken over,
and I'm not lookin' healthy no more!
Don't mind, it's fine! Who needs a meal?
So long to all my cinnamon buns!
No longer need to eat any carbs!
Goodbye, old you, I'm through with food (I'm through with food)

My cinnamon bun

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User Comments

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Are you fat? - December 27, 2004 - Report this comment

Kelly Clarkson is not skin and bones. She is healthy, her songs are not crappy. How else did she win? She has been the best winner on American Idol, since it started. You seem to have a vandetta on anyone who is pretty and thin. But yes, I agree with you about Ruben being fat, and nothing happening or being said against him, because yes, he is a guy. Plus, Ruben has no talent. The only reason he won was because he has a large family, and the results were rigged.

Ruben didn't REALLY win - December 27, 2004 - Report this comment

The whole thing with Ruben was that the show was probably getting grief about their being no black winners. So, the easiest way to fix that was to keep fatso Ruben in the game, by rigging the voting and results. Clay Aiken, the true winner, was bumped down to runner-up. Which should have been someone elses, spot. So, they kept Ruben Studdard(the black fatty), and kept Clay Aiken, to have a semblance of the real results. And you are right "Are you fat?", Ruben has a big family so, they probably called all during the night. Not that it mattered, since the show was rigged to their advantage.

Ashkicksass - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment

Good hell. I think it's time to get over the whole "the show was rigged thing." It was over a year ago! I thought Ruben was great. I also thought this parody was great. And it's not just a commentary on American Idol, it's a commentary on our entire culture. Very well done, Mike.

Over a year ago, eh? - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment

You say that American Idol was a long time ago. Well, in some ways, yes you are correct. But think about this. (THis is in no paticular order) Slavery- happened over a year ago. Hitler- happened over a year ago. Cold War- happened over a year ago. World War I- happened over a year ago. World War II- happened over a year ago. September 11th- happened over a year ago. It's the same thing except the events listed above are on a greater scale. We don't forget when we are wronged. No matter how long ago it was. Remember that, just like the public remembers each of the events above, and those that watched American Idol, and know Clay Aiken was the real winner.

Spaff.com - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Holy crap. I can't believe someone just compared a freaking karaoke contest with some of the biggest events of the past 200 years.

Spaff.com - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Oops - in my righteous indignation I forgot to comment on the parody. Nicely done, Mike Doc. "Cinnamon bun" subs nicely with the way KC phrases "independent." And kudos for using "zaftig." Keep it up. OK - now back to my righteous indignation. I agree with Ashkicksass. I find it troubling that we have a whole generation that evidently cares more about who wins American Idol than who wins the American Presidency.

Arwen - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment

I just have to say that I clicked on this knowing nothing, only having read the comment by "Over a year ago, eh?"

I AM DYING! "We don't forget when we are wronged." Give me a freaking break! How, exactly, (and I'm talking I want some details RIGHT NOW) were you "wronged" by American Idol? Tell me now. If you convince me, I swear on every last inch of Vin Diesel's body, that I will kick Simon Cowell's ass myself. Because honestly...nobody deserves to be wronged. I'm all ears...fill me in...and I'm on your side.

Go.

Every Inch of Vin Deisel's Body? - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment

Every Inch of Vin Deisel's Body. Now that's scary. Oh, and spaff.com. You are an idiot. Also, I care about the American Presidency, which is why I AM SO GLAD BUSH WON, SO OUR COUNRTY DIDN'T GO DOWN THE DRAIN.

Down the Drain? - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment

More like down in flames, if Kerry had won.

Deisel? - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment

If a tree calls you an idiot, and no COUNRTY is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Arwen - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment

The fact that you resorted to calling Spaff an idiot instead of giving me ONE single relevant example of the tragedies induced in your life thanks to American Idol proves my point. Congratulations.

HEY ARWEN - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment

WHO SAYS THAT WHOEVER WROTE OVER A YEAR AGO IS THE SAME PERSON WHO WROTE THE OTHERS. FOR ALL WE KNOW YOU COULD BE THE ONE WRITING ALL OF THEM SO YOU CAN HAVE SOMEONE TO VERBALLY SPAR. IDIOT. AND JUST LIKE THAT PERSON CALLED SPAFF.COM AN IDIOT. I CALL YOU ONE. IDIOT!

Calm Down - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment

Calm down, "Hey Arwen". Anyway, those both were me. "Every Inch of Vin Deisel's Body" and "Over a Year Ago, Eh", were both mine. And for you Arwen, the American RIGGED Idol has messed with me, in one, when I try out for American Idol, I won't have a fair chance, and I'll know it. Because they rig results. And if you have heard many times that the show was rigged, it must have been. Since I heard no such rumors about the first and third season. And also, now Clay Aien didn't get what he deserved and neither did Ruben Studdard. So, therefore, we always hear Ruben's horrific voice, even though Clay has done better in sales.

Arwen - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment

"And if you have heard many times that the show was rigged, it must have been."

I have heard many times that Elvis is still alive...but that doesn't mean that it's true.

And both Ruben and Clay got record deals...which they were promised before the results were even announced...so what's the big deal??

And as for allegations that I would EVER create comments in order to spar with myself...that's ridiculous...people like you, "Hey Arwen," insure that I will never have to stoop to such behavior...

So, Arwen Believes Elvis is still alive. - January 01, 2005 - Report this comment

So, Arwen believes Elvis is still alive.

Arwen - January 01, 2005 - Report this comment

Weak.

Isn' it funny - January 01, 2005 - Report this comment

I gave reasons and yet you still don't back me as you said you would. Isn't it funny, how you attacked one statement in my comment, because the others, you just couldn't handle. I guess you lose.

Arwen - January 02, 2005 - Report this comment

Oh no. You're right. I lose. I'm devastated.

You should be. - January 02, 2005 - Report this comment

You should be. Now, shut up.

Deisel? - January 02, 2005 - Report this comment

Weak.

HEY DIESEL YOU ARE WEAK - January 03, 2005 - Report this comment

Weak.

Mike Doc - February 03, 2005 - Report this comment

Hoooo-boy. I just randomly remembered that I wrote this parody about a year ago, and stopped by to see if any comments had been made. And, like, y'all are talking about the election? And invoking the Holocaust? Yikes. To the first comment entitled, "Are You Fat?". Hi. You should read the parody again. Hell, read the introduction again. I don't know where you got your interpretation from, but it's way off base. I think Kelly Clarkson is lovely and healthy-looking, as is Kimberly Locke. But the show made their weight out to be a problem, and in future interviews, they both talked about their efforts to drop poundage. Because apparently, if a girl's not a stick figure America won't accept her. (And for the record...I'm a dude.) So this parody was a comical EXAGGERATION of someone undergoing radical weight loss to please America and be famous. I think people are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. If anyone's insecure about body image here, it's you. As for the rest of you? Take a deep breath.

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