Do you ever see cows jump over moons,
Dishes running round
Holding the hands of spoons?

Do you ever think, that though you’re sharp, you’re doomed
The utensil drawer
no longer has the room?

Do you ever feel like you don’t make the cut?
You can’t help but think the butter knife’s a dirty slut
You don’t have to wait, there’s a chance to shine
A way to cut the line

You just gotta ignore,
the forks,
because they’re dorks
They’re prongs are short
and they bend under torque

'Cause damn it, you are Mack the Knife
Nate the plate can get a life
Make 'em yell "Damn, damn, damn"
As you slice the Christmas Ham-ham-ham

Damn it, you are Mack the Knife
Bjork the fork won’t cause you strife
Make 'em yell "Pest, pest, pest"
You're gonna carve the turkey breast-breast-breast

All the other tools, they are talking smack
Saying knives are dull, like the cooking rack
They don’t understand you’re a cut above
When you prepare most food, have to cut it up

Maybe just disregard insults from the shelf
The tongs have something wrong, the skillet can go kill itself
And that set of spoons, their all buffoons
As cultured as baboons

Just remember the grate’s not great,
the plates, they hate
The trays berate
and not one pulls its weight

'Cause damn it, you are Mack the Knife
‘Sup you cups, come get a slice
Make 'em yell "Darn, darn, darn"
As you dice up chicken parm-parm-parm

Damn it, you are Mack the Knife
(A) Pox on pots, they’re just not nice
Make 'em yell "fool, fool, fool"
You’ve got an edge and so you rule-rule-rule

Spa-tu-las
They all think they’re so spec-ta-cu-lar
But they suck just like they were Dra-cu-la
You cut in squares, also tri-an-gu-lar

'Cause damn it, you are Mack the Knife
End of blenders, yes that’s right
Make 'em yell "ouphe, ouphe, ouphe"
As you slice the breaded loaf-loaf-loaf

Damn it, you are Mack the Knife
Through all of these fools you smite
Screaming “No fair, fair, fair"
They’ll watch you half a human hair-hair-hair

Kit-chen Aid
Won’t you look at all the mess you made
Cut-ting board
I need you so that I don’t get too bored