Don't be so thick I have to say (transport me)
Come on and beam me Scotty, away (transport me)
You don't have to refit, the freakin' bay (transport me)
Come on and beam me, out of danger's way (transport me)

Got clocked, a fallin' rock
Sidesteppin' Spock, unhurt
Cavemen attackin' us then
Took out another redshirt

So, now they've cornered us
Think they like the way we taste
Between us I'd like some space
Advisin' you make some haste

Our coordinates go into the little thing
Then you turn the gadget till it makes a little ding
And it starts to glow like Christmas lights
And my ass disappears, if you're doin' it right

Don't be a dick and make me stay (transport me)
Come on and beam me Scotty, away (transport me)
You don't need a permit, to make the play (transport me)
So vamanos me, baby andale (transport me)

I'm not scared for me
But really, Spock's in tears
And it's St. Patrick's Day
We'd like to have a few beers

So, it occurs to me
I'd like to blow this rock
Me, Bones, and Mr. Spock
We're all on the chopping block

So you get your butt in a higher freakin' gear
And you beam our Federation booties outta here
Said they're closin' in, it's lookin' bleak
And we'd like to be gone by the end of the week

Don't let this trek gang aft a-glay (transport me)
Come on and beam me Scotty, away (transport me)
You don't have to invent, another way (transport me)
Come on and beam me, any time today (transport me)

(Beam us up now) Before we're wrecked, by some scary guys
(Beam us up now) I can't wait to fly the friendly skies
(Beam us up now) Power up, hit a button or two
(Beam us up now) Or I'll stain my skivvies 'fore this mission is through

So what did we come here for (you came to make contact)
But you know that I don't want to anymore (now that we've been attacked)
Been achin' for leave upon a shore (uh-huh, but not get whacked)
I wish I'd stayed back aboard, yeah

Hey...
Work with me...
Uhh...
Come on, Scotty

Don't need no "nick of time" delay (transport me)
Come on and beam me Scotty, away (transport me)
You don't have to admit, that you are gay (transport me)
Already been there, via George Takei (transport me)

(Beam us up now) I want a deck underneath my feet
(Beam us up now) Don't expect to be a monster treat
(Beam us up now) Light me up, make me sparkly too
(Beam us up now) Or I'll wet my knickers right in front of the crew

Don't be so thick I have to say (I was just talking 'bout you)
Don't be a dick and make me stay (You're my best buddy)
Don't need no "nick of time" delay (I like the way you turn a screw)
Don't let this trek gang aft a-glay (Let's tie one on, Scotty)

Are you beamin' me
Go pub crawlin'
Lock onto me
And I'll promote you to captain by the end of this song