La-da-da-da, hey, hey, not right (it's nonsense), hold up
It's a bit of a weird sight, little of it makes sense
This is not what I had here this mornin', incensed
Incensed, incensed

Look here, that's a lot of spoons, it's just a big load
They've got me confused, they've got feelin' low
And it's a problem all because of what is not
In the drawers along with 'em, this ain't what I want
'Cause I need a sharper implement (uh)
Don't need to lift up a stubborn paint can lid (uh)
I need the utility
That a knife's pointy appearance would be givin' me (uh)
But I can't do shit
With this cutlery shelf, I can't use it (uh)
And I keep track of my possessions
The last time that I checked, I didn't have a spoon obsession (uh)
I've got so many questions
Who? Why? Where? When? How? Shocked expression (uh, uh)
Really weird-ass crime, this
Because it's a lot of spoons with zero knives in

La-da-da-da, hey, hey, not right (hold up)
An incredibly weird sight, little of it makes sense
Not the stuff that I had here this mornin', incensed
Incensed, incensed, hold up

The crazy part of this bullshit (uh)
Is the fact that ev'ry single spoon here is diff'rent (uh)
There's metal, plastic, wooden
Here's a neat one, it's knitted like a cushion (uh)
All in diff'rent sizes
Some so big like novelty-type prizes, some priced with
Enough fat green that I
Could sell 'em online, buy some more knives (now that they're missin') (uh, uh)
All of 'em stashed around my place (uh)
On the floor stacked, some tucked away (uh)
It is a real conundrum
I must ask: where did all these friggin' spoons come from (uh)?
Because they flood my kitchen
And my bedroom, my bathroom, I'm not just bitchin' (uh)
Really weird-ass crime, this
Because it's a lot of spoons with zero knives in

La-da-da-da, hey, hey, not right (hold up)
Absolutely a weird sight, little of it makes sense
'Cause it's not what I had here this mornin', incensed
Incensed, incensed, hold up

Take pics so the cops believe me (ay)
And in person, this makes me uneasy
Why somebody would do all this complete nonsense
Is simply beyond anyone's thought process (uh)
I've gone down my list of pricks
Folks I know who are awful who might pull this (uh)
But as a prank it's too much
It stands out as too insane for these butts (uh, uh)
Not a good insult right there
But my poor brain is filled with all the spoons right here (uh)
Think it's gonna just take me all day
To make a full count of them all, maybe, I'd say (uh)
My estimate would be
About 10,000, seems to be the limit to me (uh, uh)
Really weird-ass crime, this
Because it's a lot of spoons with zero knives in

La-da-da-da, hey, hey, not right