I'm your bailer cause you're a jerk, always end up in jail
Three days later, you went back to stay
What's it this time? Shoplift half a dozen pig lips?
I know you know I'll pay it, but give me a break here
You always take your pants off and start runnin' 'round naked
Caught you on the street, plough in your hands, all flailin'
A real awkward position, the charges they keep listin'
I'm sat at home list'nin', my palm hits my head
I'm your bailer

I'm fillin' paperwork out, still I wonder why
I even still care, I can't pretend that
You'll stop doin' shit to end up here
Get frequent prison miles, I fear

Well, now you got me angsty starin' out the window
Because my closest friend's kind of a twit
Since ev'ry week, got yourself involved in nonsense
Rarely while clothed, although somehow not blitzed
You're always stealin' a lobster and then playin' golf
With some stolen baseballs
And sometimes I think next time you'll refrain
But I should see that the jail time works not

Still fillin' paperwork out while I wonder why
I bother to care, should not pretend that
You'll put a big lid on all the sheer
Bullshit that sends you right to here

With each form, say you'll promise to stop the nonsense
But two days after, you're in there behind bars again
Loyalty is wasted, since I have to put off payin'
My next mortgage payment for you, man
All the money in my pocket is fundin' your bollocks
Will you cross the line one bad day? Gettin' closer, jerk

The bailer for a crazy jerk
Your bailer cause you have no shame