Since I'm very lazy, buddy, my legs aren't in use
My socks are stuck to my heels, they're smelly too
They smell like shite

I couldn't be arsed getting up to get a can of booze
So you could please get a glass of dry vermouth
Nice wine, stop whinin'

It won't take long, see the look in my eyes?
It means I still have my eatin' knife

Buddy, I can't be arsed movin'
Think I'd rather spend my day groovin'
In my bed with some booze
And I tell you, it's no lie
I cannot do that "exercise"

I notice you're continuing to rant at me tonight
Yeah, you're mad as hell, that I cannot deny
Man, I'm sick and tired

Of listening to you, even I know that you are right
Cause I know that after this, you'll get my wine
Large glass this time!

Here so long, I cannot see my thighs
Melded into the bedsheets, that's right

Buddy, you know I ain't movin'
You're lucky that I am not snoozin'
My snoring angers you
Maybe once I have my wine
I'll try some of that "exercise"

Cause although I treat you like poo
I am still a bit fond of you
No, not in that way, dude
There's a crowbar to the right
Get me out, then I'll exercise

I've tried so hard to please you, bro
Even though I'm such a lazy butt inside
Kind of in denial that you're a friend to me
Now bud, please help me get up, yeah

Buddy, I'm stuck in this bedding
Maybe I've taken root or something
It's really freaky, dude
If you get me out this shite
I promise I will exercise

Get some butter or some grease, dude
Should be some from all my fast food
As methods go, it's crude
But I'm getting out tonight
Cause I'm in need of exercise

Buddy, I think that I'm moving
Holy crap, my plan is working
I'm just as freaked as you
Now that I'm free of this shite
Let's get on with that exercise