Nobody likes you.
Leno outranks you.
He's more funny than you.
You're so dumb.

Where has all the laughter gone?
It seems this gap-toothed shmuck drove it away.
His jokes are corny, I confess.
He thinks that he's truly the best.
When really he's a thorn in all our sides.

Where have all the clients gone?
They've gone to represent much younger guys.
What little audience he had,
has now passed out from jokes so bad.
Just put this f*****g hack out of misery.

The television's getting very bland.
"Turn it off now", all of my friends demand.
This guy's so old and he's still alive?
A 90 year-old with a 20ish wife?
The show's over and we're happy now.
Cancel him before it's too late.
His career's burning.
Oh yes it's burning.
It's now made him quite irate.
There is nothing funny with this guy.

Where will all the laughter go when Leno's left his post?
And where will we all go to compensate?

Oh don't look back!
And now that Leno's gone and Conan's done.
That slaps us all with a leather glove.
It leaves us all with the hatred of:
The corporate A** of America.

It's not over til' he's in the ground.
Turn him off before it's too late.
His Career's burning.
Oh yes it's burning.
Turn him off before it's too late.
The people they can't take his face.
They're smashing their T.V.s.
The people they can't take this guy.
They'll watch Carson tonight.