I'm online, what do I see?
Pointless arguments
Glad it's not involvin' me
But my luck's never that good
Bet three fifty
That I'll get dragged in with a hook
But online fights ain't me
Not one for caps-locking
And callin' folks Nazis
I always end up typing
In web debates
Listen, mates, listen, mates:

Can't we be civilised?
No need to be a giant douche
These posts are getting crude
Just take your happy pills
And back up your sources
Don't just type "FRAK YOU"
You're looking more like fools
With ev'ry gif wall, dude

I wonder if these dudes think
Before typing
Out their badly-typoed screed
Line-by-line dissecting crud
Takes a while to load
And longer to read this stuff
Suppose you could blame me
For both'ring to read
A fight between raging geeks
But what I am noticing
In these debates
No-one's mates, no-one's mates

Can't we be civilised?
No metaphorical flung poo
You can debate, it's true
Without being dumb-shits
I just stare aghast at
All the names, so crude
When I try to defuse
They're calling ME the tool!

When I say "civilised"
I don't mean happy-smiley, dude
Just fix your attitude
No need to be a dick
I'm fine with discussions
But this rage won't do
He may think diff'rent, dude
No reason to be rude

Be civilised
I'm trying not to lose my cool
If I raged like you do
Then my point would fall limp
Pretty sure your actions
Are against the rules
So calm the hell down, dude
It's only a cartoon

Don't like it either, dude
But I'm not being rude

If this crap continues
I may have to ban you