I hear you in the bathroom, you've been there all day
I think it's time that you put it away
It shouldn't take you very long to pee
And others need to get in, namely me
I'm gonna kick in the door if you don't come out
Know you're stallin', there's no doubt
Try to drown it out with those silly songs you sing
But I know you're playing with your thing?

I know you've been told to shake it, but two times will do
Three or more times? There's something wrong with you
You're gonna go blind, fall down the stairs
And then your palms will be sprouting hair
They say it's healthy to do, but not for this long
Too much attention for your dong
Think of the ladies, attention this will not bring
Don't you know you're playing with your thing?

Don't you know you're playing with your thing?
Don't you know you're playing with your thing?

Dropped your boxers and your snazzy new pair of pants
You're in there jumpin up and down, just makin him dance
He'd be a puppet if you only had a piece of string
Don't you know you're playing with your thing?

(Spoken)
I went into the bathroom when the ol' clock struck ten
It's 3:25 now, and i just don't know when
I'll put my Johnson away and I'll then come out
I'm playin' catch and release with my trouser trout

Don't you know you're playing with your thing?
Don't you know you're playing with your thing?