May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real John Major please step down?
I repeat, Will the real John Major please step down?
We're gonna have some tories here

Y'll act like you've never seen a grey tory before
On parliaments floor, like Blair's like Thatcher at number 10's door
And started bending the rules worse than before
The policy's poor, spin is part of the furniture
It's the return of the...
"ah wait, labour, you're kidding?
We just didn't vote what we think we did? Did we?"
And William Hague said
Nothing you idiots, William Hague's dead, drunk in Yorkshire again
(ha - ha)
not many women love tories then
John Major? Who's slept with him?
Look at him, sleeping around, in bed with Edwina
Talking the "back to who", yeah but he's still screwed though
Yeah, his backbenchers got a couple of fairly cheap prostitutes
But no worse than what's going on in their leaders bedroom
Sometimes, he just needs to find someone who might lose their seat
But that Norman Lamont is holding a noose
"my party's in the sh!t, my party's full of sh!ts"
and if we're lucky your leadership won't really be missed
and he's a b*st*rd, that's what he says that Portillo is
he doesn't know what the meaning of the word electable is
of course they're gonna loose that's not what they wish
in five years they'll be in fourth place, up sh!t creek without the paddle aren't they
they're not nearly laughable, well, some of them are sackable
morality? Hell No that's not really applicable
but if they're considered voteable, and trustable
then there's no reason a man called John Major can't be a joke
but if you've had eighteen years, here's a labour vote
Tony where's you principles? See their leader, watch him go:

I'm John Major, The real John Major
All you Tory backstabbers are helping new labour
So won't the real John Major please stand down
Please stand down, please stand down

I'm John Major, The real John Major
And despite our tax record there's nothing can save us
So won't the real John Major please stand down
Please stand down, please stand down

Will Self's not smoking drugs in that plane to help the papers
He needs too, cos he's bored and we're bored too
You think that Major's off to Germany
Half of the E.U hates that damn tory, can't wait til he leaves
But John, if you get in, wouldn't it be weird?
Why? Cause you're so badly hated by us here
Worse than records made by that girl Britney Spears
Sh!t books by Edwina Currie add grey to your hair
You'll never sit next to Norman Lamont without curse
And then just argue 'bout who should leave the party first
Yo, Heseltine, will never be the boss you see
"yeah, he's good, but the Tarzan image won't win.... Hee-hee"
you should avoid the mentioning of B to B
and show the world how not to lead your own party
got sick of new labours new focus groups
and having no policy, apart from things thought up and not thought through
and there's a million votes of apathy
who'd rather be, someone who's dead than a Tory
In grey you see, their new leader get relieved
And who just might be adulterous, and you just see

I'm John Major, The real John Major
All you Tory backstabbers are helping new labour
So won't the real John Major please stand down
Please stand down, please stand down

I'm John Major, The real John Major
And despite our sleaze record there's nothing can save us
So won't the real John Major please stand down
Please stand down, please stand down

It's like the voters are sick of you, won't do what they asked you to
Things that were obvious but then would cost too much to do
The only problem is the tax and they won't pay it
Their income will fall, and those big businesses won't like the policy at all
You just did the budget and stuffed it, and whether or not you meant it
You just shafted much more than 90 percent of the voters out there
Then you wonder how come you find your cabinet on valium
It's funny, cause the seats you have left number just 30
And though your secretary and your MP's are flirting
Pinching lots in taxes from people who aren't out working
And you're smirking like there's a pack of Viagra on you lurking
And every party member just says "John Major? pack in"
The role of chancellor did fit him, messing up your incomings
Or in the house of lords, comatose, think he can f*ck nothing up
People running out, "he's too dull for us!"
So will the real Major please stand down,
And get all of his party of crooks thrown out
And be proud to be wearing blue pants when Edwina shows
And one more time, loud as we can, why don't you go?

I'm John Major, The real John Major
All you Tory backstabbers are helping new labour
So won't the real John Major please stand down
Please stand down, please stand down

I'm John Major, The real John Major
And despite our tax record there's nothing can save us
So won't the real John Major please stand down
Please stand down, please stand down

Ha ha
Guess that guy John Major did Edwina
F*ck it, that's shut us up