Miller Lite! Great taste, less filling...

Two underage girls find booze hard to find
Booze hard to find, booze hard to find
Two underage girls find booze hard to find
Booze hard to find, booze hard to find

Guess who's back, back again
Charlie's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, I don't slack, not a quack,
More like Spaff, if he's jacked up on crack

I've become a teenager
And nobody wants to drink Pepsi no more, they want to get crunked up quicker
Well if you want a buzz this is what I'll give ya
A little too much beer followed by hard liquor
A combo that'll make you so much sicker
Than the flu when the green goo comes from your body
And you're barfing, your gut's not cooperating
And in two minutes you want to be copulating! (Hey!)
This liquor store clerk is player-hating
I just want liquid courage to help my mating
"I know that I look 15, my damie,
But this thyroid gland problem is complicated!"
So the FAA won't let me play
They make me obey, so let me say
They let me smoke cigars, fight wars, you see
But for beer I need a fake I.D.
So, chug-a-lug, chuggin' a drug
Done that, think I'm in love, or maybe just buzzed
And I'm ready, and this thing might get hot and heavy
I just threw up on your new dress, sorry Debbie!

Now this looks like a dead party
So everybody, chip in 'cause we
Are gonna give it some new spiked I.V.
But I'm gonna need a fake I.D.
I said this is a problem for me
So everybody, just follow me
And my name will soon be Brian Magee
'Cause I'm gonna need a fake I.D.

Little hellions, kids feeling rebellious
Embarrassed they're still sober Saturday night, since
They're still looking for someone to sell this
A fake I.D. so they can yell at the bouncer, "Bitch!"
They say "take care," say, "drinking is scary"
Could start a revolution, leading the youth astray
I'm sober, but just let me revel and bask
In the fact that I just got my new I.D. back
But it's a disaster, it's far too thin, indeed
And it's too small, it's about the size of a stamp, you see
And I'm black, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
And the photo is white, gave me a fright now I just might
Reutrn it but the shop windows have been boarded
Been shut down by the po-po for being sordid
Now I'm arrested; my breath has been tested
Molested when I tried to protest it
"Walk in a straight line, sir!"
Really could but it's zigzags that I prefer
Where's my phone call? I need, officer
Need my mom, come on, please send for her!

Now this looks like a dead party
So everybody, chip in 'cause we
Are gonna give it some new spiked I.V.
But I'm gonna need a fake I.D.
I said this is a problem for me
So everybody, just follow me
And my name will soon be Brian Magee
'Cause I'm gonna need a fake I.D.

Detox it, hawk and spit, I'll go shot for shot wit
Anyone who wants to drink hops 'n' toxins
Grey Goose Vodka? It can getcha hopped up
Worse than those little Budweiser frogs, and
Bacardi? You could get drunk by Charlie!
You ambriosa of Gods - a woman's drink? Hardly!
Hops and barley, brewed ice cold, served fresh
It's heaven, but nothing beats a fine Merlot
Don't gulp, no, these things must be savored
And impart on your taste buds oodles of flavor
I've drank swill, but now I've gotten smarter
Ever since I tried beer brewed by Billy Carter
But sometimes all a guy needs
A liquor that will bring him down to his knees
Like absinthe if you're overseas
But locally beer it will be
Though I'm not the first Duke of drunken stupors
I am the worst dude since George Bush Junior
To guzzle brew so haphazardly
Then get behind the wheel and party! (Hey!)
Here's a concept that works
A generation of drunk jerks emerge
But in order to fufil this prophesy
We are going to need some fake I.D.s

Now this looks like a dead party
So everybody, chip in 'cause we
Are gonna give it some new spiked I.V.
But I'm gonna need a fake I.D.
I said this is a problem for me
So everybody, just follow me
And my name will soon be Brian Magee
'Cause I'm gonna need a fake I.D.

This song is over,
I'm getting sober,
it's time to mope, sure
And clutch my head

This song is over,
I'm getting sober,
it's time to mope, sure
And clutch my head

Kids!