I was blown away!
What could I say?!
This planet makes no sense
They've all gone insane and this stinks
Freaks filled up every flat
I tried to buy some for my wife
Some dude jabbed a knife in my behind
The world is strange, odd and deranged
Since that virus hasn't slowed
I don't wanna pick a fight to drop a load

Toilet Paper
Don't wanna pick a fight to drop a load
Epic Failure
Cause when their butt-cheeks are spread it's psycho mode
Tweaked on a shopping spree
And I am friggen stunned
Toilet Paper

Taken all they could take
And for goodness sake
Each cart's a mountain high
Beatin' throngs all day long
They'll purchase by the pound
To them the loo means everything
Thus they'll snatch it up so greedily
To flush it away, Flush it away
Think their brains are made of wood
There's not much under the hood
Well, They might not be too bright but they can pounce

Toilet Paper
Can't you tell I'm filled with fright to plop an ounce?!
Nutso Neighbors
They'll kill for every shred of it around
They'll shove and trample me
Because they're freakin' nuts!
Toilet Paper!

This damn virus wrecked my day
Gonna pout... Gonna shout...
Won't find some on any shelf
None in route

Tissue raiders
They'll all scratch and bite to dump some brown
Toilet Paper
Since our nation lost it's head and we're all clowns
Here's what's confusing me
What's givin' you the runs?!
You're all fakers!

Swear like sailors
Without paper, yeah...
Your john is filling?! Geeze!
Me, I just got a cough
That's not safer