Well I just heard
The news today
It seems my life
Is gonna change
I close my eyes
Then open my eyes
Then what I got was a big surprise.

With arms wide open
I look like Christ himself
Under the sunlight
With my crown o thorns
I'll show you everything
My arms wide open
My flabby hammy arms wide open

If you touched
This wing of fat
It would ripple up
And ripple back
I'm just a pudgy Jesus
Just a Jesus Christ
For your sweet love

His palms ripped open
His feet impaled on nails
His mind torn open
So the love of God prevails

Well I don't know
If I'm the man
Who can bake a roast
Straight from a can
Who can open his eyes
Then close his eyes
So he gets
His big surprise

His thighs ripped open
Torn by Prometheus' hawks
His tendons severed
No need to balk

That's me up there
So please, please stare
I'm just a modern Christ figure
So please beware
WIth arms wide open
Now put them together please
Its called clapping
It puts me at ease