Suck at bowling
I suck at bowling
Got a gutter ball
Zero scoring

Balls are rolling
My balls are rolling
Through the gutter wall
Team is roaring

Such a hazy, lazy muscle-lacking arm
Sways down the lane, it’s no big shock I’ve no jock charm
My teammates all sigh, whenever it’s my try
The ball it curves too wide, all the pins are denied
Gutter ball makes me bawl (I have no skill)
Team’s harassing and they’re asking, “Are you ill?”
The pins don’t heap they just keep still
Should I quit this sport and go hike some hills?

It’s no thrill
My touch is awfully rough
I’m only there to fill their cups
Since they had enough
I had lost 12 games now
So they no longer allow
There’s a sport out there I got
So I’m hunting it down

Is it hunting?
How about spelunking?
Any sport I’ll try
Liquor chugging?

But I’m lazy
And I’m not that crazy
I won’t jump from airplanes
That’s far too amazing

Is it hiking?
Or perhaps biking?
Playing sports, I die
Not to my liking

I’m a fatty
So go get me a caddie
Golf balls flew in lakes
“Hey! Nice job, Matty”

I tried to snowshoe
An avalanche pushed me off an icy wall plus
I crashed into a walrus
And down Lifeflight flew

So I guess that proves at all sports I blew
Strip poker too… Lost my pants, shirt, and shoes
But still I’m not used up
Cause I know my sport is listed, and I must persist it
Tried Go-Karting for a while, until I crashed into a vile pile
I’ll get no trophies, or just a few smiles

So yo, I’m tippin’ milk cows
There comes farmer John shooting off rounds
I can’t even have fame in this tiny hick town

I
Try athletics
But soon need a medic
Not a sporting guy
It’s just pathetic

I’m unsteady
There’s no sport ready
I’ll make my leg break
Cause that’s where I’m heading

Failed P.E.
Cause I’m so seedy
Need a sport I like
I’m not greedy

I’ve tried plenty
Each was killed like Kenny
My everything aches
From trying too many

No foxy mama will be Matt’s groupie
Cause the way I suck at sports is utter tragedy
Tried some DDR dancing
And even took up some medieval lancing
So messy… Almost got killed
When I took a hockey puck to the crotch
I start to think that instant winning’s only in those films I watch
But now I am chilling out with just a bottle of scotch

I filled that gapping void with a sport that jocks destroyed
So far, that I can tell, I am much better than kids
So gutter ball, I say "So long" when I joined the bandwagon
Dungeons and Dragons

Roll the dice with me
Roll the dice with me
Roll the dice with me
Just roll the dice with me
(Uh-huh, Uh-huh)

White and nerdy
Wasn’t built sturdy
Dungeon master guy
Cause I’m wordy

I’m a loser
A D-20 user
I still get wedgies
From the jocks and boozers

(Repeat chorus until you finish a game of D&D)