He had bunny slippers for his shoes
he was was covered with the Village News
he had a jar of K.Y in his hand
The office clock said it was 12: O O
it was lunchtime, and I was about to go
when I saw him curled up behind the men's room can
He was breathing hard and turning red, I gave him a gentle shake
When he opened up his eyes, I said "hey, man, are you okay"?
And he said

I just climbed out of my cotton white briefs
I was runnin' from some hag named Bea
Drip dryin' in the ceiling fan breeze
after falling into a puddle of pee
I was walkin' with a stud named Bo
past a train of guys that were blowin' their loads
Man, I wish you'd just left me alone
'cause I was almost boned

Then, he said I was just reachin' 'round my arm
about the time you grabbed that arm
and I heard someone hollar "give it to him rough"
I was close enough for my own butt
to feel that sausage and those nuts
and I felt "daddy" just about to stuff
'Hot Stuff' on the stereo, followed by 'It's Raining Men'
since July of 85, thats as close as I've been

Yea, I just climbed out of my cotton white briefs
I was runnin' from some hag named Bea
Drip dryin' in the ceiling fan breeze
after falling into a puddle of pee
I was walkin' with a stud named Bo
past a train of guys that were blowin' their loads
Man, I wish you'd just left me alone
'cause I was almost boned

I said "Hey, man, don't you like women?
Let me drive you to a Hooter's"
He said "Boy, if you'd left me alone
I'd be getting it in my pooter"

I just climbed out of my cotton white briefs
I was runnin' from some hag named Bea
Drip dryin' in the ceiling fan breeze
after falling into a puddle of pee
I was walkin' with a stud named Bo
past a train of guys that were blowing their loads
MAN, I WISH YOU'D JUST LEFT ME ALONE
'cause I was almost boned
(almost boned)

Man, I wish you'd just left me alone
I was almost boned