As I walk through the shire where the hobbits live and play,
I take a look at Samwise and realise he's very gay.
I had never noticed it till he was hitting on me,
In our tiny hobbit holes we all live happily, FOOL!
60 years ago my uncle Bilbo found a ring,
Gandalf sent me and my friend to destroy the thing,
and I guess because I had been on that journey so long
that the ring had kept corrupting me till my mind was gone.
I met a crazy creature Gollum, he was seeking the ring,
but he claimed he had changed his ways so I took him in.
Samwise did not believe him so I sent him away,
that mistake I have regretted to this very single day.

We get all our drinks in pints, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.
The Proudfoots are not very nice, even in a Hobbits Paradise.
The children look like cute little mice, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.
My best friend is old Samwise, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.

Gollum used to be a hobbit too you know,
but when he killed his cousin Deagol, his village forced him to go.
My uncle was very disappointed to hear the ring had gone,
for he had been holding on to the ring for ever so long.
I'd never let him take it even if he deserved it,
He's had many journies with the ring, none went by unheard of
Us hobbits smoke pipeweed and we never get high,
We drink everyday, right from morning to night, FOOL!
Our names are all made up our own parents names,
The tiny Hobbit children all love to play games.
We're not at all very tall, Gimli is even taller,
If you you laugh at us it will make all your hearts smaller.

Samwise, Merry and Peregrin, a faithful, loyal three,
like big old friendly labradores, but these ones belong to me.

We get all our drinks in pints, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.
The Proudfoots are not very nice, even in a Hobbits Paradise.
The children look like cute little mice, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.
My best friend is old Samwise, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.

Hobbits fom Bywater, Hobbiton and more,
live in cosy houses, all have circle doors.
Think your pretty lucky because you are so tall?
Well I know that in Hobbiton only animals are small!
I am called a Hobbit not a Slobbit,
my Uncles house is full of gold many Hobbits will try to rob it.
I'm not insane, my uncles wealthy,
so if you do not believe me you will no longer be healthy.

We get all our drinks in pints, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.
The Proudfoots are not very nice, even in a Hobbits Paradise.
The children look like cute little mice, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.
My best friend is old Samwise, livin' in a Hobbits Paradise.