Well, shit, lil' bastard, I can't transform ya
Piece of crap plastic, awful paint on ya
Can't get the feet folded up neat
Should be a cinch to transform, it's six inches, geez
The second-smallest price that one can choose
Never really been hard to crack so I'm confused
Black mark on my nerdiness, ain't right
That I can't transform this Optimus Prime

That ain't right, ev'ry single one of this stupid trailer-truck (c'mon)
Hasn't really blown my mind with how he's changin' up (c'mon)
Asshole, become a truck, where am I messin' up (whoo!)?
Checked hips, checked legs, pretty sure I'm goin' nuts (shit)
Cannot be (whoo!) that I've botched that
I can't flop (oh), whole life's about that
Somethin' just ain't clickin', I abhor that
I can't transform ya (oh), I can't transform ya (ouch, c'mon)

I can't transform ya (I can't), I can't transform ya
Stupid Autobot, I don't wanna have to store ya
With the other jerks that don't work, I'd hate to scorn ya
I can't trans-, I can't trans-, I can't transform ya (whoo!)
Move, dumb plastic (plastic), snap, dumb plastic (plastic)
Lock, dumb plastic (plastic), t-t-tuck in, dumb plastic (plastic)
I can't, I can't transform ya, I can't, I can't transform ya
Shift into the form that I want before I floor ya (smash to bits)

Shouldn't be so tricky, so obvious what needs to go
Where but that's the thing: why and how, I do not know
That bit slides, that bit won't, that sucks 'cause it's in the road
Lookin' really close to see if there's somewhere it can go
Way too many hinges, though, which one's to and which one's fro?
Ev'ry damn direction it can go in seems to be "No"
Tryin' not to damage it, hear the plastic strainin' so
Why is this not convertin'?
Bend the knees, plug in its back
Fold both arms once you have done that
Or, wait, hang on, was it done before? Crap
I can't transform ya, I can't transform ya (ouch)

I can't transform ya (I can't), I can't transform ya
Are there any slots that I've missed? Gonna explore ya
Somethin's gotta work, the reviews seemed to adore ya
I can't trans-, I can't trans-, I can't transform ya (whoo!)
Move, dumb plastic (plastic), snap, dumb plastic (plastic)
Lock, dumb plastic (plastic), t-t-tuck in, dumb plastic (plastic)
I can't, I can't transform ya, I can't, I can't transform ya
Help me help you 'cause I would just hate to deplore ya (c'mon, shit)

Okay, I can't transform ya, stupid Transformer
I can't turn you from a robot to a car, nah
Or into a jet, th-though that would be harder
'Cause that's not a mode that this toy has, for starters
S-Such a hard transformation, harder
Than any Prime toy I've ever had, this is bollocks
Haha, I know it's a first world problem
But I'm gettin' pissed off, I'm crampin' my thumbs up
Haha, and I'm pinchin' my thumbs up
Foldin' these flaps upon my flesh, man, this sucks much
Can transform a Masterpiece fast, see
I can transform huge Movie toys snappy
This is balls, my brain's gonna crack
Must transform other Optimus toys to relax
Th-This stupid piece, red's all I see
Instructions? Transformers are puzzles to me (ouch)

I can't transform ya (I can't), I can't transform ya
Directions are dumb, always happy to ignore ya
And so far it's worked but this one toy, I can't form ya
I can't trans-, I can't trans-, I can't transform ya (whoo!)
Move, dumb plastic (plastic), snap, dumb plastic (plastic)
Lock, dumb plastic (plastic), t-t-tuck in, dumb plastic (plastic)
I can't, I can't transform ya, I can't, I can't transform ya
Do the thing I want without cheat sheets, I implore ya (c'mon, shit, whoo!)