Shoot, I'm way over par by about seven hundred
Yes, I'm doin' pretty crummy and I'm feelin' really crummy
Shouldn't be so hard to hit this stupid friggin' ball
'Round eighteen gimmicky-ass courses and in the hole
But I'll keep puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly
I'm a bad golfer (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly, yeah

My whole day will end up as a waste
If my brain fails to figure out just how to ricochet
Cause my, my rage is high, s'pposed to be my day
All these two-foot high tykes seem to fly by my pace
Shit, I'm on hole three, yeah, my score's twenty-eight
And that's when I don't take penalty strokes, 'fraid I'm that lame
Shit, I missed that? I thought that landed, no way
Damn ball swerved around the hole, I swear, hatin' this game
Can't pick it up, gotta let it lay
But it's stuck between a pair of cheap gnomes, not fair this way
Whack hard now, hope that I'll land it
And not go Mr. Bean, lose the plot while I whack it (whock, whock)
This hill's way too high, when I failed to crack it
Last time, right between those damn gnomes was where the ball landed, yeah
I wanna leave, no, I can't just go
Paid for eighteen holes, I gotta see 'em to the end, you know

Dude, I'm still over par by about seven hundred
That might be exaggerated cause this course, I really hate it
Thought that I would be a wizard at this mini-golf
Kick ass at the regular kind, least on my consoles
But I'll keep puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly
I'm a bad golfer (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly (lordy)

Really grates how they keep wastin' space
With a big statue, stupid gimmick, mate
It only stands, I might be doin' badly
Gettin' my ball around it, but it should be known it's plain crap (plain crap)
Better trick: tiny-ass friggin' bridge
But with no little guard-rail to stop 'em droppin' shit (droppin' shit)
I start to holler, fallin' in the water
Wanted fishin', I'd go fishin', came for golfin', not a shower (not a shower)
Great marvel, golf ball tunnels
I don't see my ball comin' out, bugger (won't come out, bugger)
It's bollocks, when it gets stuck in
Poor teen has to fetch it out, tipped him dollars
Still I arrive ev'ry summer, I cry ev'ry summer
Cause this is how I spend money (spend money)
Adds up to way too many grands
Not a word? Don't care, man, ball's stuck in that gutter

Losin', I'm over par by about seven hundred
Shocked by how much I've been suckin', but I'm gonna keep on truckin'
This whole friggin' industry is made of pure balls
But I still can't resist the ads, they're my siren call
So I'll keep puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly
I'm a bad golfer (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly, yeah

Wish I could ditch these pitiful clubs they're forced to give
They do their job, but I might snap 'em in my rage like twigs
I've never failed quite like this
Too hard swingin', sent balls flingin' to the sky, shit
It hurts ev'ry time I fail, man
My peers all mock my skills right to my face, man
Would be bad if I was six, maybe eight, man
But I'm forty-two, so there's not much I can blame, man
I'm not so old I could blame my age, man
Old enough, though, to have racked up some plays, man
But I'm awful, hard for me to own it
*Munching noises" Sorry for that donut, yeah
Drown my sorrows in all the snacks they sell me
Sure the prices are such bullshit, there's no need for you to tell me, yeah
I'll keep hittin', keep on swingin', trust me
I may get super annoyed, it's a habit I won't bust, see

Doomed to be over par by about seven hundred
New record at bein' cruddy, kinda makes me still feel cruddy
Pretty sure I've lost the same amount of their golf balls
The course must fund replacements from how much I play, lord
But I'll keep puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly
I'm a bad golfer (yeah-eah-eah-eah), puttin' really badly
Puttin' really badly (yeah-eah-eah-eah), I'll keep puttin' really badly

Dude, I'm so over par, round about seven hundred
Dude, I'm so over par, but I'm still playin'
Dude, dude, I'm so over par, gonna keep playin'
Sometimes think real golf might be better, but I'd be wrong-wrong-wrong
Dude, I'm so over par, round about seven hundred
Dude, I'm so over par, but I'm still playin'
Dude, dude, I'm so over par, gonna keep playin'
Determined? Or just really stupid? You make the call, call, call