I was gonna swim the race, until I got high
I was gonna win it and take first place, but then I got high
But I already got eight medals, so why even try? (why man?)
I’ll just get high
I’ll just get high
I’ll just get high

I was gonna do some laps before I got high
I could'a backstroked and freestyled fast, but I got high
Now my gills will fester and I know why, (why man?)
'cuz I got high
Because I got high
Because I got high

I was gonna make a protein shake, until I got high
I was gonna watch my fat intake, but then I got high
Now I got the munchies and want a pizza pie
Does Dominos
still have
the 5-5-5?

I was gonna sign some autographs, but I was high,
I was gonna pose for photographs, but I was high
Instead I’m on my couch watching Bill Nye, (who man?)
The Science Guy
The Science Guy
The Science Guy

I made a public apology, because I got high
I said I was ashamed and sorry, because I got caught--I mean high
Now I'm losing all my endorsements, and I don’t know why
I just got high
I just got high
I just got high

I really wasn’t planning to smoke that infamous night
I was just hanging out with some folks and I was shy
They passed that bong my way, gave me a high-five
(and yelled!)
“Go Dolphin Guy!”
“Go Dolphin Guy!”
“Go Dolphin Guy!

I'm not putting on my spandex thong, because I'm high
The only water’s in my bong, because I'm high
And I don’t give two sh*ts, wanna know why? (why man?)
'cuz I'm a rich guy
I’m a rich guy
So I’m getting high