Hey, you're bein' such a dick
I'll hold my tongue for now, bud

Don't really wanna confront those who are dicks
I'm afraid I'm gonna say quite the wrong thing
And so I'll try to be nice, I won't say bad shit
Yes, I'll try to be nice, I won't stoop to their shit
Although I know I should say at least somethin'
The chance I'll botch my rebuttal ain't nothin'
So I'll try to be nice, know I'll say dumb shit
Must try to be nice, so I won't say dumb shit

I don't wanna blow up ev'ry time folks roll up
And tell me I blow, cause that happens too often
I don't really mean to whinge, though, might call me a dildo
But I'll stay stiff, though, I'm gonna rise above it
Throw your rude words at me, call me such a twat, please
You may think you "got me", man, I'll still be solid concrete
Call me an asshole? Won't fall at all
I'll assume you missed all your coffee breaks, that can't be good
Who knows what shite that any random jerk just might've gone through
Before they get to me? Who am I to say what's true (yeah)?
All-out, they'll shout swears loud because I'm slow
They could have a point there, who knows?
Can't dismiss 'em for their jerky wordin', that just seems kinda petty (yeah)
Would be shit if I had flipped on 'em with words quite heavy (whoo)
Might've been harassin' me cause they missed a phone buzz
So I'll quiet down my temper, I won't make a fuss

Don't really wanna confront those who are pricks
So afraid I'll end up sayin' the wrong thing
And so I'll try to be nice, I won't say bad shit
Yes, I'll try to be nice, no-one needs all that shit
Ev'ryone knows when you say somethin' loudly
You'll look like such a big douche, so I'm proudly
Gonna try to be nice, I won't say dumb shit
I'll try to be nice, no-one needs my dumb shit

So if I heard that you're sayin' some shit
Not gonna change, I'll be nice, I'll be nice, I'll be nice
And if you heard what I said and say shit
Just cause I said I'll be nice, I'll be nice
Well, I cannot lie, lie, lie, lie
Bein' nice ain't a flaw, you bastard
Ain't an excuse to roar, be an awful bastard
If you're gonna be a jerk, you'll have to leave
I might have a smile on me, doesn't mean that I'm meek
If you push me, I know you'll push me, think you'll have a laugh
Bein' an obnoxious shit, get away with all your crap
But just because I will be tryin' to keep smilin', my rage hidin'
I still have my limits, you'll be flyin' when you leave, you shit
I got lots of patience, believe me
Benefit of the doubt is what you'll get for free
But if, for a joke, you think you'll try to boop my nose
I'm afraid you'll find I'm pretty good at judo

Though I don't wanna confront those who are dicks
They could plain have a headache, a huge brain tic
I'm gonna try to be nice, I won't be a shit
Yes, I'll try to be nice, who needs all of that shit?
But if some schmoe tries to take real advantage
Think that I'll roll the hell over, no chance, dick
Though I'll try to be nice, I won't take that shit
I'll try to be nice, kick your ass for that shit

Phrase all my words politely, long lines might hate that, mind
Cause I know chipper moods chip at fragile minds
So don't mind me bein' a perfect model
For other employees at this groc'ry store to watch and follow (yeah)
Not like they're bein' a douche, that isn't true
The words out their mouth (uh-huh) too crude? Not that, dude
They're bland as shit, makes this bus'ness look so listless when we're bord
So I must show 'em how to pick smiles off the floor (whoo)
They'll see customers treat me with much less snide
Cause my genuine mood is contagious, heard me right
Hard to fling hate at a good friend, good buddy
Least I heard the owner say words to that effect, but he
Seemed sincere, there was not one threat made to my money
Well, not out loud, at least, believe me, man, he's not scummy
Not an asshole, he's aight, just wants me to do good
Gotta keep a wide smile, like it's held with fish hooks

I just don't wanna confront those who are pricks
No threats made to what I'm paid, must believe this
You see me try to be nice, big grin that eats shit
Wanna try to be nice, nothin' forced about it
All of my co-workers claim that that's nonsense
We'll all get sacked if we try to snark? Bollocks
I just try to be nice for my benefit
I try to be nice so they will follow it

It's true shit, it ain't sketchy
It's true shit, nothin' sketchy
It's true shit, can't be sketchy
My boss swore that it's not, he's my bud, bud, bud